That's right, he filets, he chops
he dices, slices, never stops
lasts a lifetime, mows your lawn
And he mows your lawn
and he picks up the kids from school
he gets rid of unwanted facial hair
he gets rid of embarrassing age spots
he delivers a pizza
and he lengthens, and he strengthens
And he finds that slipper that's been at large
under the chaise lounge for several weeks
And he plays a mean Rhythm Master
he makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar
And he's only a dollar, step right up
he's only a dollar, step right up'Cause he forges your signature.
If not completely satisfied
mail back unused portion of product
For complete refund of price of purchase
Step right up
Please allow thirty days for delivery
don't be fooled by cheap imitations
You can live in him, live in him
laugh in him, love in him
Swim in him, sleep in him
Live in him, swim in him
laugh in him, love in him
Removes embarrassing stains from contour sheets
that's right
And he entertains visiting relatives
he turns a sandwich into a banquet
Tired of being the life of the party?
Change your shorts
change your life
change your life
Change into a nine-year-old Hindu boy
get rid of your wife
And he walks your dog, and he doubles on sax
Doubles on sax, you can jump back Jack
see you later alligator
See you later alligator
And he steals your car
He gets rid of your gambling debts, he quits smoking
He's a friend, and he's a companion
And he's the only product you will ever need
Follow these easy assembly instructions
he never needs ironing
Well he takes weights off hips, bust
thighs, chin, midriff
Gives you dandruff, and he finds you a job
he is a job
And he strips the phone company free
take ten for five exchange
And he gives you denture breath
And you know he's a friend, and he's a companion
And he gets rid of your traveler's checks
He's new, he's improved, he's old-fashioned
Well he takes care of business
never needs winding
Never needs winding
never needs winding
Gets rid of blackheads, the heartbreak of psoriasis
Christ, you don't know the meaning of heartbreak, buddy
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon
'Cause he's effective, he's defective
he creates household odors
He disinfects, he sanitizes for your protection
He gives you an erection
he wins the election
Why put up with painful corns any longer?
It's a redeemable coupon, no obligation
no salesman will visit your home
We got a jackpot, jackpot, jackpot
prizes, prizes, prizes, all work guaranteed
How do we do it
how do we do it
how do we do it
how do we do it
We need your business
we're going out of business
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Get on the business
end of our going-out-of-business sale
Receive our free brochure, free brochure
Read the easy-to-follow assembly instructions
batteries not included
Send before midnight tomorrow, terms available
Step right up
step right up
step right up
You got it buddy: the large print giveth
and the small print taketh away
(Get away from me kid, you bother me...)
Step right up, step right up, step right up
c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon
Step right up.
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