Hi, my name is Cobra Commander!!!After many years of serving under that cocksucker Serpentor, I've decided to let everyone know what I've been doing in the closet all this time.
If you don't like it, I simply don't give a shit, I'll rape your mom.
Now, without further ado, here are my unknown glories...
I directed Fried Green Tomatos....
I've birthed 47.3 children...
I have toe cancer....
My penis is not larger than a mouse turd...
I invented relish gas after a brief stint with a Hungarian farmer...
I've most likely fucked your father...
I won a bronze medal in curling during the 1930 Olympics...
My Hebrew name is Morecai...
I am in fact featured in the Bible...
I once saved a kid from drowning, then slowly killed his dog for a cheap shot of scotch.
I hate white people
Sgt. Slaughter and I once owned a ski lodge together
I was up for the role of Indiana Jones....
Ms. Pac Man is my favorite video game.
When I was 16, my mother and I had our first sexual encounter, she called it rape, I called it saturday night COOOBRAAA!...........
The DAY I SHOT VERSACE in the face..........The year was 92. Clinton had just been elected, I was still sporting the Jackson glove, and I hadn't changed my undies in four days. One Friday eve, on the way back from my breakdancing lessons, a thought occured to me. My face was being exposed due to my sweet Kid haircut. You know, Kid from the movies House Party, House Party 2, and House Party 3. I decided it was time for a change. I gave Dave Duke (the Joes uncle) a call, he came by and buzzed my head. I decided to take a skim through my phonebook and came up with a few names. Christopher Reeve, Julia Childes, and Versace. Chris was busy shooting smack through his toes. Julia and I had a very in depth conversation about turkey basters as sexual instruments....
Versace, however, was on the spot. He seemed giddy as school girl while drinking moonshine and milking her brothers yokems.We met up, exchanged some fashion advice and had a few fruit shooters. Suddenly, Versace reached his gaunt Italian hands underneath the table and started stroking my snake. After I came, I became very upset. I felt raped. Being Cobra Commander, I decided the best solution was a slow torture. I had an agent of mine infiltrate his love life, and seduced him into a sense of complacency. 5 years later, I shot him in the face. Turned in my agent, and the rest is messy red history.FUCK YOU VERSACE, I WEAR THE KNICKERS IN THIS BOATSHOW. I DESIGNED THEM TOO!
I edited my profile with Thomas’ Myspace Editor V3.6 !
