Chupacabra

I'd like to meet:

I get along really well with pets, in fact, I'd really prefer it if you had a pet before you contacted me. I like pets with little hair or short hair. I like really plump pets, you know, for cuddling. They should be well-fed and preferably not on any medications or hormones. No really young or old pets please. No fish or reptiles. Big dogs are really the best. They're really fun to feed, you know? I would love to take care of your pets anytime you're away. You could say I'm the last friend they'll ever need. Anyone else thirsty?