mapow

I was born in prehistroic times and have been roaming around the earth ever since. I graduated from Ass Hole H.S., and the college of Fuck U. Both which are located under the lost city of Trufreedumb. I think I have been married 11 1/2 times, and divorced 9 times. I have 27 kids. 14 of them are half Martian. The other 13 are half Jovialis. I don't like any of them. I have been in the military. My first duty was in Gaul with Julius Ceasar's army. I was the centurion in charge of cleaning up horse shit. I cleaned my sandles, and washed my feet alot. Flies were always on the food. The women of Gaul did not shave their under arms. My next assignment was supposed to be with the first Crusades. I told them, " I don't believe any of that shit". They said, "no!, horse shit." Once again I found myself cleaning up horse shit. They said they would kill if I refused. My boots were easier to clean, and the flies were actually very tasty with lots of salt. I stayed away from the military for many years after that. I came to America on the Mayflower. I was sea sick all the way over. When we got to the beach, I ran, tripped over the big rock thing, got up, and saw a man who's hair was sticking up, and paint on his face, and shit my pants. No one had any toilet paper. The indians taught me how to hunt, fish, and plant corn. We had a big meal before the football game. While we were eating our turkey, I noticed all the indians were laughing at me. I was eating skunk. I was sick the next day. They didn't know it, but I took their peace pipe. I found this strange weed, put it into the pipe, smoked it, and had the last laugh. There still wasn't any toilet paper. Next I was invited to a tea party in Boston. I didn't make it to the party because I got drunk the night before and was out looking for a Bloody Mary. It was her time of the month and I bought her some tampons. Then I went out west to find some gold. It only took 3 days to get out there. I hitched a ride on the pony express. My but was sore for a week. I never carried a gun. Billy the Kid told me I was the fastest shot in the west. No wonder the brothels didn't charge me any money. After World War I, I invented the missile. I started a factory and hired only women. The women I employed said, I was not satisfying them, and their needs weren't being met. They took over the factory. They changed it to the Missile Dildo Factory. It was a big hit. I was also in WWII. You know the porn movie; Wild Women II. Now I have all these outrageous thoughts in my mind. I just want to try, and hope to make all you outrageous people laugh. The Beginning. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx I'm a Realist, a Evolutionist, and a Countercultureist. I not only believe in free speech, but I also believe in defending free speech. If someone says something that you don't like, or that may offend you, walk away, leave the room, change the channel, listen to another radio station, go see a christian comic, and don't tell others what they should say, or shouldn't say. Want to know more. just ask.