A real life pirate. It would be totally awesome. We could travel the seven seas, hijacking ships and stealing loot, then climbing the crows nest to scout for land, then basically killing every man in sight, raping every woman in sight, and pillaging every coin and valuable item in sight. Then burning the whole island to the ground.We could have maybe.. 5.. no, 6 wenches EACH and they would perform every dirty act on us possible because we are manly man pirates and they are wenches. Then we would marry all of them and be on our merry way, drinking grog and eating meat and swimming in gold coins forever.Man, I want an eyepatch.