Sarah's "Pluck the Carp" Six Month Checklist:
1.) Make at least one spur of the moment, irresponsible, devil may care road trip. viva Mardi Gras!!!
2. Go Muddin'. All the vogue southern gals are doing it now.
3. Visit an establishment of erotic dance . . . yeah, I could call it a strip club, but where's the fun in that?
4.Ride the mechanical bull, and actually stay on for more than 5 seconds.
5.Kiss a stranger. Not necessarily make out with, but even a peck with someone I'm not monogamously committed to seems pretty rebellious at this point.....
6.Learn to turkey call with finesse. Don't laugh, a girl can dream . . .
7.Learn at least one song on the piano. No, I don't have one . . . or even access to one, for that matter - but one musn't get caught up in trivial details.
8.Go (insert critter here) hunting . . . preferably for something that doesn't possess any qualities that could be construed as "cute".
9. Ride in a cop car . . . high speed chase, lights, and sirens optional (but definitely desirable.).
10Learn to change my own oil. . . . and not blow up.
href="http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vcGhvdG9idWNrZXQuY2
9t" target="_blank">
Thanks, infinite useless information available on the internet! Apparently, my "perfect nick name" is
"Love Muffins-Pookie Pie".
Oh, the things we do when we're bored. . .
The Infinite Wisdom of a Bartender:
"And a rock feels no pain. And an island never cries. . .although, apparently, they can be bitchy and malicious."
-Me
"Doesn't it seem like every time the Hurricanes play, they're playing Edmonton? I'm begining to think that "Edmonton" is Canadian for "opponent.""
-Me again
"I'm not a girly-girl! I'm tough . . . I open pickle jars!!!"
-Still me
"I think that asparagus is just an awkward vegetable anyways. . ."
-Emily
"Do you ever look an insect in the eyes right before it hits the windshield?. . .I do.
-John
"I'm shady like a poplar, dog."
-Mike
"Ewwww! Lick your tongue!"
Emily
"Jim Henson really defined the muppet genre."
Andy
"You were talking with your mouth. Sarah was talking with her music. I was talking with my brain."
-Mom
"Well baby rabbits never swarm."
-Hutch
"I want you to be my pillow grabbin', ankle chompin', butt stuff lovin' slut...c'mere to me."
-B-dubidub
"They say that everyone laughs in the same language. . . yeah, well, they all scream in the same language too."
Daniel
"I think I'm lost, I'm at the corner of Walk and Don't Walk."
-Perry
"I ain't never gettin' married, and I'm teachin' my kids the same thing.",
-Gabe
"Officer, you've got to let me go. I need to get home before I'm drunk!"
Chris
"Wow, your brain makes your boobs look smaller."
B-dubidub
"Ok, I'll have one more beer while I sober up."
B-dubidub
"Just one morning I'd like to "wake up" instead of "come to."
-Neil
"If you gave that boy an enima, he'd disintegrate."
-J. Burns
"I just don't understand. . . where did sexy go?
-John
"Crotch is some nasty german that wanted to get it on, pocketbook is just a stupid southerner that didn't know how to say purse."
-Emily
ME: "But you're married!"
R.H.: ". . . . .well, at least you know I don't have commitment issues."
"You know Tae-Kwan-Do? I know two-by-four."
-Jamie
"Well, hell. . .anything that keeps it out of my belly button keeps me happy."
-Mom on pocket lint
"At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway that it's adopted?"
-John
"90% of the population is 'bringing sexy back', I'm proud to be part of the 10% that sexy never left."
-John
"That's a common misconception." -Emily
"You're a common misconception." -Me
"Mooom, was I a misconception?" Emily
"No, but Sarah was." -Mom
"What is an armadillo anyways? Is it like, a Texas opossum?"
-That guy
"Luckily, my ribs broke my fall."
-Brian
"The designated driver should never have to buy his own beer."
-Wes
"Dunking a football doesn't make you a two sport athlete."
-Brian
"You can totally tell that Lowe's is a store that's geared towards men - I went to buy safety glasses, and there wasn't a mirror."
-Me
"Let's drink a bunch of that Robo-stuff, get all fucked up, and have sex."
-My ohsoromantic ex-boyfriend, after I brought Robotussin to bed
"Riding a unicycle, that has to be like masturbating with no hands."
-Hutch
"I like my bourbon the way I like my women. Twelve years old and all mixed up with coke."
-Jay
"I ain't doin' that no more, the last time I opened the door for Jehova's Witnesses, it ended up being the DEA."
-Robert
"Pull out of Iraq or stay in for the long haul?"
Me: "Are we wearing a condom?"
"Wow, your colon must be immaculate."
-Bill
"Love. . . is kittens under your trailer."
-Aaron
"Sunshine blows out of your butt all the time."
-Bill's take on "The sun shines out of your ass."
"That's where I always go cruisin' for chicks. . . that and the abortion clinic."
-Steve
"I'm not married . . . now, my wife is..."
-Robert
"If it's over an ocean or more than three hours, I'm not goin'...well, that's how long I can stay drunk for."
-Jill on flying
"I don't drink anything stronger than pop - of course pop'll drink just about anything."
-Niel
"If I had a maid and a cook I'd be single."
-Casey
"If I had a monkey that could make biscuts, I'd be."
-Allen
"Is it worse to own a trailer or rent one?"
-Adam
"If life was THAT fun, I'd quit smoking to make it last longer."
-Jill
"There are 150,000 letters in the Chinese alphabet - that's why Guttenberg's little invention didn't do much good for them."
-Jay
"They're way too vicious to be cows."
-Jason
"Why does the stinky guy always want to tell you a secret?"
-Daniel
"Vote? Hell, without an I.D., how do you buy beer?"
-New Bill
"I might not have morals, but I do have standards."
-Jeremy
"Cuda, if you'd like for us to explore what's been lurking in your genes, we'd be glad to."
-Puddin'
"And that's a shame, 'cause I kind of feel like 'second husband' is my strongest event."
-Puddin'
"It's like a ball. A random ball in the sky."
-Jill (on the sun)
"I don't think I could do another lawyer - I think two under one roof is one and a half too many."
-Puddin'
"Women with a B cup are more likely to get type 2 Diabetes, women with D cups are five times more likely...so, apparently, titties give you diabetes."
-Scott
"I don't do caffine, there's nothing worse than a drunk that won't pass out."
-Bird
"No, if I were dying, I'd have my list of people I'd like to fuck and kill and I'd be working on it right now."
"When two ugly people find each other it warms my heart."
-Daniel
"Speaking of shaking babies. . ."
-Puddin'
"Oh, I've got the package, I just need the stimulus.
-Dorian
"My humility is what I'm most proud of!"
-Jeremy
"I like my women like I like my coffee, ground up and in the freezer."
-Steve
"Do you have any glue?"
"No, but I know a man with a horse."
-Dorian
"No one has ever gotten AIDS and died from drinking an unprotected beer."
-Puddin'
......
