For the past four years I have lost a lot:my sense of self, my closest friends, my passion for learning, a love that never even started, my bestfriend who is now too busy with her own life, and most recently, my self-discipline. (Too bad my appetite's still here)And it's all my fault.I did something bad (I'm not going to say what it is, but believe me, it's bad).And I let it affect me too much to the point where I let myself believe I didn't deserve to live at all.But after four years of heavy thinking, guilt-tripping and moping around, I've changed my mind. I'm done with feeling sorry for myself. I'm done with the shoulda-woulda-coulda's. I'm done with closing my eyes to the truth.I know better.Now I'm cleaning up after my mess.I've made amends, I'm seeing my friends again, I try to read more and I take better care of my body.Of course sometimes I get side-tracked, but that's because I'm human. I can only try so much.I want to be good. I want to get back everything I lost.I want to live after all.:)

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