About Me
This is for my dad, the person I love most in the world and since his passing, I've felt alone. My dad died December 6, 2005, the worst day of my life. Because my dad was everything to me and the only person who stayed in my corner regardless. He would say, " I'll swim with you but I'm not gone drown." Yeah , he had my back and he still does but from the spirit world. All the people around me now other than my kids and my grandson, love me conditionally, yes conditionally. Pending on one thing or another and when the days get dark for me, they run. But not my daddy! He loved me more than life itself. So much so that I believe he knew his end was near and the last person he called before going to bed was me. He had been out all day and I was BBQ'n for Monday Night Football with my friends at my place. We spoke of his days activities and he said he was tired. Not tired like you get from working or being busy, the way he said it was different. See, he said it the same way my grandma says it. "Baby grandma tired, I might not be here when you come home next time." Grandma is 100 now! So when my dad said he was tired and sounded like grandma, I brushed it off and said he's O.K. 10 hours later he had a Asthma Attack and died. I was crushed, I am crushed, I was devistated, I am devistated. I still cry for my loss and I'm angry but not bitter. My dad lived a great life, traveled around the world two or three times and would never want me to feel bad. See, he was no where near selfish and throughout his life gave away all he had. If you couldn't pay your bills and feed your kids he'd do it and you didn't have to pay him back. I only have a few items of his but the love he gave me and life lessons he taught me will live forever because I'm passing it forward through my being. The last time I saw my dad alive was October 11, 2005, the day before his birthday. It was wierd! He gave me a 5x7 photo when I was at his house and said, "Don't let your momma see this she'll steal it from you", and I laughed. When I was driving away, he waved as if he was never going to see me again. I can see that moment clearly because the feeling was so strange. I was going to stay but he said, "boy gone to work, all tomorrow is, is Wednesday." He would say the same about any special day. As a kid I'd say, daddy tomorrow is my birthday what you get me. He'd say, "boy tomorrow in Monday, another damn day." I always smiled and laughed because I knew he got me something. He got me something all the time. My daddy loved me with every fiber of his being. He was the funniest man I know other than Richard Pryor. I'm so grateful to have had my dad for a moment in time. I never realized until he was gone how many people don't know their father. Whether their father was around them or not! But me, I knew my daddy and he knew me and we loved each other deeply. Funny thing is all my life he'd rarely tell me he loved me but there was not doubt about it. I use to jam him up sometime and say, "Daddy I love you." He'd say, " yeah, yeah me to boy." His tone was hilarious, like it would kill him to say it to anyone. I wonder why he was like that? My daddy was the most generous, loving, honorable, respectful person I know. Well, sometime if he was drunk he wasn't so respectful but he told the truth. I would cringe and hope he didn't cross the line but sometimes he did, damn alcohol. But if you got on his bad side watchout here comes the truth on fire. He'd tell you about yourself and use words that may draw blood. That's my daddy and that's me, for I am him. My dad and I talked all the time and even more during baseball season. I would be watching the Cardinals on T.V. in L.A. and he'd watch in St. Louis. If a great play occurred or a homerun was hit. We'd talk about it. Sometimes we'd call each other 4 times during a baseball game. We also did the same whenever Tiger Woods was playing Golf or Venus and Serena played tennis. The year after my daddy died the Cardinals won the World Series. I know he helped them because they wasn't that good in 2006 but my daddy wanted me to be happy. I was so happy yet so sad because it was the first baseball season without my dad. I visited home one time after his death. Upon returning to Lambert field airport in St. Louis, I cried all the way. It was my first visit that didn't get to see my daddy. As much as I tried not to cry, the worse it became. I haven't been back since, don't know if I can take it. I love and miss my daddy. I love and miss my daddy. I love and miss my daddy! I love and miss my daddy! Daddy, I'll see you again someday.Daddy thanks for continuing to have my back, know one else does.
