About Me
I am not a stripper...just in shape. No disrespect to any strippers out there it is a means to an end and if you gotta do what you gotta do to feed your child or pay your bills so be it.
For all you fucking haters that like to make comments about me when you don't even know me....I.E. You have not seen me in 10+ years yet you feel like you can comment on me....kick rocks you bums. I don't need to take off my clothes to make money thats what my degree's (Notice that's plural) and 29 certifications are for.Ladies stop being so damn lazy and get your shit together....too many times do I see women wo think that all they have to do in relationships is look cute and open their legs for us when we get horny........life is about much more than that. When a man is looking for that special someone we categorize them by several criteria....how your house looks when we come over gives us an indication of how "OUR" house will look if we live together. How you carry yourself, how you treat your kids, friends, family, parents are all indicators that we look at. Your goals and aspirations should extend farther than 3 months or even 2-3 years..... so to summarize do what I started doing a long time ago.....analyze your shortcomings....(all of them) and take steps to improve yourself you wont have to advertise this we (men or women if your bi or lez lol) will notice on our own.....Now that I got that off my chest....Finally , the guys' side of the story.
We always hear " the rules " From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!1. Men are NOT mind readers.1.Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.1.Sunday sports, guys night out, and PS3.... It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.1.Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way. Just because it's on sale doesn't mean you have to get it now !!!1.Crying is blackmail.1.Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtile hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!1. Don't assume when you make assumption you make an a$$ out of yourself.1. Dont put words in our mouth there are a few other things you can though !1.Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.1.Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Dont get mad at the answer we are gonna tell you the right answer not what you wanna hear. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. Don't get mad when we get mad at you for doing the opposite of what we suggested.1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor. You may have a tumor...1.Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissable in an argument and or court. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
We wont give u a straight answer cuz we still wanna get some sex.....1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one1.You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.. .Really .1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, zone defense, full court press, Call of Duty 4, or Halo. (see previous statement)1. You have enough clothes.1. You do have too many shoes.1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I may have to sleep on the couch tonight;But did you know men really don't mind that ? It's like camping.The following is for informational purposes only Kevin and the House O Matics and it's affiliates in no way endorse or support the following comments. I did not write this ....so do not assume anything see previous statements. We assume no liability for the misuse or misinterpretation of the following paragraphs. This is a paid advertisement by all the players and playettes around the globe.Don't get mad at the "playa", its true and funny women are playa's too and they do it better....Be sure to read that section carefully...A Playa has 4 different types of girls... 1. Wifey 2. Baby Girl 3. Side Piece 4. Jump Off1. Wifey is the sexiest, most successful and most respected of all the women.She is loved, needed and wanted by her man...she is VIRTUALLY IRREPLACEABLE.She is the girl that the guy loves and will always love, he never wants to see her with another man...BUT he will cheat on her with Baby Girl until he is mature enough to realize that if he gets caught or %�!s up in any way and loses Wifey, he would be screwed, and NEVER be happy again. Wifey gets along with mom, is independent, never nags, loves to dress sexy for her man, can cook and loves to keep a clean house. Wifey gets called 5 or 6 times a day.
Drawback of Wifey, she loves public displays of affection... which might interfere with the acquisition of a Side Piece. She may also argue in public too so be careful and tread lightly....lol2. Baby Girl is ALWAYS just as hot as wifey and usually has a very active social life...she IS replaceable, thinks she's the next Wifey, but will only be Wifey if an extreme disaster takes place. Baby Girl gets some of the benefits
of Wifey, like quality time every now and then and even presents on birthdays and holidays, but that's as far as it goes. The main reason to have Baby Girl is in case Wife really really f--ks up, she can be replaced in a matter of
weeks because Baby Girl has been groomed to slip right into her spot. Be careful of Baby Girl, she tends to be just as attached as Wifey and therefore can be dangerous to the Side Piece. Biggest benefit of Baby Girl...she is
extremely private and hates causing a scene, baby girl can come into the same restaurant as you and wifey because she is on a date her damn self nonetheless wifey will have no idea you two even know each other because one you make eye contact the first time no other attempts at communication will be made other than a slight glance on the way out the door or a text message to see if there will be sex later. Baby Girl is a master of disguise as well.3. Side Piece, usually a female that the guy uses only for sex and other pleasures, she is usually the one that he goes to for that 3-some or some late night head after the club. When Wifey is acting up and Baby Girl is at work,
the Side Piece is usually the one to hold him over for a few hrs. He can meet with the Side Piece for reasons other than sex, but normally that only happens one week during the month. Side Pieces are hard to spot when they are out
because most of her friends are either Wifey's or Jump Offs. Drawback of having more than one side piece, they usually know each other somehow...we kinda think there is a side piece network.com or they all myspace friends. Try to keep your side piece count below 4 if possible.4. Jump Off...every mans dream and worst nightmare. She is trying to move up in life, wants to be a Side Piece or Wifey but doesn't know how to go about it. They are just the girls he hollas at when he is with his boys...she is usually stored in the cell phone by a nickname because he barely remembers her real name and where he met her...he only recalls how fat her %#&@$! was. The Jump Off gets called in emergencies only, when wifey is moody, baby girl is on vacation or her cycle and side piece is with her baby's father. The Jump Off is extremely dangerous in public for a number of reasons, she is usually 5 other guys jump off as well, so she might cause drama with you and one of those dudes if you slip up, she also has no problem confronting you in the mall when you are with Wifey (something that baby girl would NEVER do) and the most dangerous thing about Jump Off...she ALWAYS seems to find out where you live and or work.A Pimpstress has FOUR KINDS OF MEN CHECK IT OUT!!! It's T-R-U-E!!!1.THE HUSBAND He is the sweetest, loving, kind man you know. His intellect makes him sexy although he is handsome. He treats you like a queen and puts you first. He takes care of the kids, you and home. This is the man you love coming home to. He spoils you with gifts and is a hard worker.2.THE BOO This one is sexy as hell! This is the dude that you've known for years, kinda your homey-lover- friend! No matter who is in your life or who is in his life, you and your BOO seem to always have a thing for each other. Your
BOO has a wifey, so he has as much to lose as you do, therefore you are guaranteed that ya'll relationship is on the 'DL'. You run to your BOO when your husband "F" up! Your BOO gives you comfort and the sex is da bomb, which
explains why you can't leave him alone!3.THE MAINTENANCE MAN This is Mr. Wine and Dine. He has the charm, the romance and a body like a stripper! He is the one you call every now an then when HUSBAND and BOO done pissed you off! He really wants to be your HUSBAND or BOO
on the low but he knows his role. HUSBAND will never suspect a thing because this man is the deacon at your church and well respected in the community so no one would know of ya'll secret love affair. You sneak and go on trips and getaways. He keeps that bank account tight. Look at this man's lips. Whew!4.THE RUFF NECK This is the man we fantasize about when HUSBAND, BOO and THE MAINTENANCE man just not doing it for you! This is Mr. Bad Boy, he got the body from hell, the tattoos, and the motorcycle. You call on him when you want your back blown out, the bottom hit, and you want to walk bow legged for a couple days. He is the man HUSBAND sees and knows he needs to get on the treadmill to lose those extra pounds he has gained since ya'll been married. THE RUFF NECK is the one that can rock the suits in the day and trade the Armani in for tims and jeans at night. He is pulled out in emergencies only and you can't resist to
get your freak on in the craziest places, (in the car, the back of a vacant building, etc.) because his main goal is to tear it up! THE RUFF NECK is in your cell phone as one of your homegirls named Tee- Tee!LOLOne more thing.......you know what I really dislike ?I dislike when people on myspace use incorrect grammar on their pages like some women use the wrong words to describe themselves......ie: "I am a strong black
women !"....No No No damnit....the word is WOMAN.....you are not plural...unless you are over 350 lbs then it's okay cuz you really are plural !Ohhh and please spell check or watch what you are typing......don't put you have a masters degree on your page and you can't even spell 4 letter words correctly. lol
