Nanna

"I do remember this scene and although it was the dawn and the only light came from the beacon and the neon, how I could forget that outrageously gesture, the daring fact of that night; that's why I inmediately knew how it was her breast beneath the jeans jacket, just for the tiny movement when she smiled and brought her hand to her face, embarrassed and amusing. Jeanne was like this, hard and naive, able to become ashamed just because someone she doesn't know say to her something corny. She said (when she understood) ‘Oh thank you’ and I didn't wait longer. I turned back to my place. I looked Paul and Paul knew; we left the queue and started to walk. I told him and he laughed, made irony about my soft sentence and my lack of capacity to play the game. I defended myself, I insisted in which that was exactly what I wanted to do, that there wasn't need of anything else. But it was not the truth. I felt like her, even more than I imagined (I even wanted to caress her cheek with my lips). Once in Trafalgar and afterwards in the bus, Paul kept in silence, he did not even say a word, only that sight with no expression, never to me, always to the place were he was leant. When we reach home, he, softly, dressed, fell on the mattress and the dream came to him as everything comes to Paul, without thinking, without suffering. Meanwhile I lighted a cigarrette and smoked, I looked to London's night in run away, far away from me like the lights in the buildings that were around my window. I had a merry-go-round, vertigo feeling, me slipping at a constant rate and the events always either slower or faster, but without any chance for me to adequate my speed, time arrows that were developing without my participation, other ones that were closing for things either I said or did in past times; I was conscious of how pointless was everything, especially of which took me there. I was conscious of the hazzard, I smiled when I thought in the jokes I would have to cope with in the following weeks for my sentence, that was lost with the rest of the city noises in an deaf mutter."