Ernestito! Done! Period! End Of Story!

"Must I say it again? I've said it before. Move out my way when I'm coming through the door!" -MC Lyte Y'all Mad Cuz Bitches Love My Style, My Colgate Smile... I'm A Bad Bitch Child! I grew up in a little town on Long Island called Oyster Bay, which for as nice as it is, It still gets me put in the "Bridge and Tunnel" category of people from New York, but not really from New York City. I hate it, but it's true. I am. I do have to go over a bridge or go through a tunnel to get NYC. However, I don't have Gotti hair. I'm rarely in a wife beater, but when I am, Hot Damn Son!!! I don't have a pimped out Honda civic, and I don't talk like Fran Drescher would if she were a man. I hate big clubs where you can't wear sneakers or ripped jeans, and where you have to pay to get in. Why? These people who wait on line and then have to pay $25 or more dollars to get themselves into all that bullshit... I don't have that kind of patience. I used to, but now I just want to get to the bar asap, drink, have a good time and still be able to wear a baseball cap. I was born on October 16, 1976. On my way out of my mom's cooch, the umbibical cord was wrapped around my neck, strangling me, and so my confirmation name went to the doctor that saved me. Thomas. I don't know his last name. My family is Italian, Spanish, and Ecuadorian, so I'm Catholic, but my last name in Ladino (Spanish Hebrew if you will) means "Tall Jew", so go figure. I am neither tall nor Jewish. Discuss! I've been to both Spain and Ecuador, but not Italy. It's on the list, so I'll see it sooner or later. I can speak spanish pretty well, and I even speak some hebrew. Bocar Tov! I don't speak any italian. I speak even less french, and I've been to France. It's just something about the accent and how you have to use your cheeks or your throat or whatever you have to use. I'll learn it one day maybe. As far as italian goes, I know "ciao", but you'll never hear me use it. I hate that word because too many people say it who shouldn't be saying it. Where the fuck did that whole thing start anyway? Who said it was cool? I need to have a confrence with that person. "Ciao" out of the mouth of somoene from Alabama is enough to make me gag - with a spoon! I've heard it and I'm sure you have too. If you're reading this and you say "Ciao", and you're not from a country that says it, please stop using it. Thank you, the management. I always thought I was much cooler than I was growing up. I went to a very small public school, and I pretty much got along with everybody, and I had really cool clothes, and so I thought I was hot shit - well until I got to high school and thought I was black for some reason. Don't ask. Those "cool clothes" from back in the day are now the reason why I rarely look at old pictures. What was I thinking? Why didn't anyone say anything? Cross Colors, Skidzz, BUM, Z. Cavariccis, Ocean Pacific, etc... A mullet, a tail...?!?! God! Nothing really important to say about high school other than my mom was a teacher there, my cousin was the assistant to the vice principal, my grandparent's friends were hall ladys, my best friend's mom worked in the cafeteria... I couldn't get away with shit unless I was quick and sneaky. You couldn't be lazy. A fucking ninja is what you had to be. I didn't really drink back then. I did drink when I was 12, but that was before high school. I didn't do hard drugs. I used to drink bottles of Benedryl, but that was before high school too. I did have a beeper, so I'm sure there was talk about me doing or selling drugs. I still haven't done most of them. I didn't smoke weed at all. I guess now with the weed, I'm making up for all that lost time. I Smoked cigs when I was 13 or 14, but totally just to look cool. Again when I was 16 for the same reason. And when I say I smoked, keep in mind that a pack would last me weeks. I only needed to smoke one a day at lunch or after school or whenever there were enough people around to witness my bad ass. I think that was the only thing I did where I cared to look cool for other people. I mean I guess I wore some of that crap I wore to impress, but I liked wearing it, so it was for me. Cigarettes were gross to me everytime I smoked one. Well now I enjoy a drag every now and then. Just a drag. If I'm drinking, maybe a whole one. I did get the one thing that I really thought I wanted back then, and that was Prom King. I think it was something about the trophy or just to say I won it to people who I really don't know, which I do from time to time. Like If the subject just so happens to come up. "Oh, the prom? Well I won prom king at my Senior Prom. Yeah, I did. Good times." I have no idea where that trophy is anymore. I don't care either. Why? I have a framed picture in my apartment of me winning it. That's why. haha. Another thing about high school is that most of the friends I have now were my friends back then, so that's pretty cool. Not that I don't have a bunch of friends other than the ones from before college. BC. Before College. I do. Tons actually. It's just crazy to say you've been friends with someone for over 25 years. Like you can even be old enough to say that, you know? Crazy. I spent about 8 years in college (4 colleges and one internship at VH1), but college didn't really start until I went to UMASS in 1998. That was my shit! I just went back to Amherst after 5 years, and it was so insane because after you leave for the first time, you go back often. Usually anyway. You still have friends there and so you go back and each time you go back, the memories are kind of spaced out. Well when you don't go for a number of years, almost everyone you knew has moved away, and you get there and the memories attack you. It's like everywhere you look, you see things playing out in front of you and well at least in my case, I was pretty blown away. More happened to me in the short time I was in Amherst, than in any other place I've ever lived, to this day. So when you go back there and it's nothing but one big memory banging you in the head, and you, or at least I had to... Well you can pick and choose to what you want to focus in on and remember, and by doing that, you see what was important to you now, and you get to know yourself a little bit better. I know that doesn't make sense. Kinda crazy. It's a really special place for me that way. Sometimes I wish I could maybe go back for a little while and experience the one thing about that place I miss the most. Ernestito's dilema. That's what that is. So now I'll just fast forward because I've already written way more real shit about myself than I ever have on the MySpace thing, addicted as I am. I'm not really addicted. It's just something to do if you already have to be on the computer. I had an apartment on the Upper East Side in NYC for a couple of years, but I didn't really stay there that often. Weekends mostly. It was cool, but it was too big, if you can believe it, and it never really felt like home to me. It was just a place I stayed, and I'm all about having a home. Plus, who am I to have a weekend home? My apartment in Oyster Bay is my favorite place in the world. I love it, but I'm moving, so soon it's going to become a place I stay when I'm in NY. Kinda sad, kinda exciting, kinda I don't know. I don't even own the bitch. I'm moving to LA If I didn't write that already. It's crazy because I know I want to, and I know I need to, but I'm just trying to figure out why or how and for what reasons, and if my reasons are good enough or if I should even bother thinking about it and just go. Nothing different from anyone else moving to another place, I imagine. Usually I just go and then I wind up crashing at friends' or sleeping in my car. You never know when you gotta jam. As comfortable as the back seat of my jeep is (let's swing an episode!), I kind of think the last time should stay the last time. No more dirty motels like The French Cottage on Highland and Sunset. Cockroaches, burnt out lightbulbs, and wallpaper falling off the walls... It was actually very cool visually. Rock Star wanna-be lifestyle to the fullest. And in LA?! I mean if you're gonna do it... I'm just not looking to be a rock star. Not now anyway. Not that I couldn't. In other words, I'm getting a place and making myself a Californian by way of New York. Again. Some other stuff about me that you may want to know, or not, is that I've been a fitness trainer for the past 11 years. Sometimes I'm an actor. Off Broadway mostly, and it's been ages since I've been motivated to do any of that. I have two dogs that I rescued after my dog Zues had an epileptic seizure and fell off the couch and died two years ago. RIP my little Homie! It's ok. At the end of the day, he had liver failure and was anorexic before developing his epilepsy. Let it will be, you know? So Rah Rah who may have either a hernia or an impacted testicle is 11 and Chiqueeda is about 8 and a lesbian from Brooklyn. "Slurp! Slurp!" all day long like a song. There's my dog Chiqueeda eating herself out again. That dog loves her snatch something crazy! I guess that's about it. This whole thing will be deleted as soon as I realize how corny it is, and how high I was when I wrote it, so hopefully someone was able to read it. Peace out y'all. Stop tryin' to use me as a respirator! I'm the same bitch on the escalator! ...and I still ain't got no time for you fuckin' haters! -Lil' Kim .. We gonna smoke an ounce to this! G's up! Hoes down! While you mutherfuckers bounce to this! .. Home | Browse | Search | Invite | Film | Mail | Blog | Favorites | Forum | Groups | Events | Videos | Music | Comedy | Classifieds