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I was born as a bastard out of Russia. My name was Hanseldoofeldorfen von Mightengraten, but changed it to Hansen von Might. I was four when I obtained my first job, throwing stones at the homeless. 10 years and a hundred dead street people later, I rose to the position of head chair at the local baron’s mansion. He was so impressed at my complete lack for the value of human life that he chose me to sit on. He sat on me for five years, and while the baron sat, I gain leg muscle. One day I let him fall through my legs, and I crushed his intestines out of his ass. The staff feared me enough that they never told anybody what happened. So I became the Baron. The local authorities would show up from time to time, but I just threw giant rocks at their heads, and stared them back to their transports. I spent a lot of my time killing off the old staff and hiring a proper harem. They would lie around all day and pleasure me with…….uh…….conversation. I soon grew bored lying around and killing staff all day, so I went to the local pub. I found a fascinating man who talked to me about government issues and such. I declared him a genius, but I wanted his idea so bad. So I told him that I wouldn’t steal his idea if he beat me in arm wrestling. He called me mad, but he was won over w/ some painful suggestions. I ripped his arm off and I possessed the new policy of socialism. Everybody will work together, for my greater good. The man said I didn’t really understand the meaning of his idea, so I killed him and gave his meat to the local orphanage. I soon rose in more power, defeating every neighboring baron, duke, and earl. I even mutilated a grand Marquee’s. I developed a power that people cannot fathom. I oppressed my people, and called myself god. Soon I heard there was another god named Thor, and he gave his godhood away every year. I am the man to take that godhood and use it for my evil intentions. Well, after I bring the people together of course.