About Me
I floss with barbwire, put ketchup on cereal, wipe with my left hand, have bodies buried in the backyard, am 10 ft. tall and bulletproof, was a three headed one legged dog in a former life, have coffee with Elvis every tuesday, regularly get abducted by aliens, believe every word printed in the national enquirer, havn't sinned in 15 years, have never told a lie, can drink two kegs before I'm drunk, never contradict myself, yes I do, enjoy a nice warm glass of milk, think "Cabin Boy" should have won an oscar, hum Britney Spears tunes in the shower, had my original song "Smells Like Teen Spirit" stolen by Nirvana, see dead people, eat roadkill, torture cats for fun, have no sense of humor, think Bill Clinton is a MUCH better saxophone player than David Sanborn, think George W. Bush is a MUCH better president than George Washington, can't stand RUN ON sentences, never ramble, love the smell of napalm in the morning, alweeys uz spelchek, like green eggs and ham, have the ebola virus, took responsibility for that bombing in the middle east last week, invented KY jelly, will most likely find an excuse to sue you in a court of law, am ugly on the inside, lowered my cholesterol this morning, go cookoo for cocoa puffs, run with scissors, heal lepers, hate people, think "Million Dollar Baby" was hysterically funny, know where you live, am "connected", eat paste, won first place in a hurling contest, was married to Britney for 45 minutes, think Nelson is the coolest metal band EVER, used your toothbrush to clean my toilet, think they should give Michael Jackson his own children's television show, am politically correct and finally, suffer from recurring nightmares of being chased down the street by CONAN O'BRIEN!!!!
