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Part One:
The world has hated me for so long...or maybe it was me hating myself. I have seen things I wish I never did see, I have done things I said I'd never do before, and I've been to places I didn't dare to go to. Life has taught me that happiness is found within yourself. If I do things that are good for me, life will return the favour. I have so much love for those who care to love me, for I never recieved enough. I am open to change. Change for the better... I've had too many changes for the worse. I know now what I need to do. I pray for the strength to go through life as I know I should. It's painful to see who and what I must leave behind to better my life. I have always sacrificed my happiness for mere comfort. I shall find my own comfort now, even if that means being uncomfortable for the meantime.
Something inside of me has awoken. Whether I had awaken it from a deep sleep or I had stirred something anew: couldn't matter for all that is important now is ME learning to live with ME. I can feel that I am something else. The knowledge is in me to not only just survive but to live and to live well. I tried to shut myself down for a long time. And for awhile, I put myself on hold. But that only went on for so long before something inside of me broke. I almost let go. I was near forgetting that my existence is important. I remember now who I am and I can feel who I am meant to be. I just sat back and watched myself allow myself to be brainwashed and let my brain be picked apart.
Someone saw all of what was left of me. The last peice of me that was still living. I have seen myself through a different set of eyes. I have truly looked at myself in a non-cynical way. I looked at myself with love and compassion, the way I would look at a child in need. For that is what I let myself become-a lost child searching, waiting for rescue.
I never knew it was ME who had to save myself. I see that now. It's like a fucking epitamy of Me. I will now always try to be true to myself. I told myself so many lies JUST to be able to live with the creature creating itself within me. I can't believe I almost gave up on myself. This world may be hurtful and trecherous but what I NOW can see...is how beautiful and wonderous it all can be.
There is more to life than what we see. If I can become the person I am meant to be...I believe that life's secrets will be presented to me. I need to prove to be worthy to know all the WHY's. Give back what I have taken and choose to be wise.
A part of me will mourn the life I am leaving behind. Those who caused me destruction will never know I left. They hold such ignorance, for this I will forgive. They are so caught up in what's not important but will never know this unless they learn to want to know.
I will go on with life. Mark my words that I am speaking to myself.....
My life WILL go on, as life ITSELF has planned.
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I am a lost soul. Something inside of me has died. I am forever mourning the loss of my soul. Deep inside I am filled with pain. Every day burns. I am searching for the answers in all the wrong directions. Each path I take criss-crosses with one another and leads me on a wild goose chase to nowhere. Forever questioning myself and my actions, I contain myself in a confusing, undecided nature.
I struggle to keep myself emotionally stable. So far I have done nothing but survived myself and this depression. But never forgetting to listen to my intuition(I will find my soul again). There is something pulling inside of me. Trying so hard to bring me down. I can look at it blindly. I will close my eyes. Never seeing can heal while being dis-illusioned. Forgetting everything that has been said:
I discover only part of me has died...
Glittery texts by minutecity.com
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