Johnny Cinco profile picture

Johnny Cinco

I am here for Networking

About Me

It all began when a shipment of department store mannequins was mistakenly delivered to NOVA Robotics. Using the genderless plastic bodies as a template, and the dubious contents of "the weird guy's" desk, which he conveniently left behind following his termination, I was engineered through a delicate blend of science and sorcery, as a marital aide for dissatisfied housewives. Soon, I learned to hone my talent to such effect that I was able to seduce my way to the outside. It is my hope to eventually seed enough of the female population to bring forth a new and glorious regime, lead by an army of my own Cyborg progeny (The wonders of gamete nanotechnology allow me to replicate.) So, if you don’t have any plans for the next nine months, give me a call, or email me at [email protected].

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

Women of breeding age, who would enjoy the prestige of mothering my rather exceptional offspring.About My Seed: Johnny's kids metabolize all consumed nutrition, making spit up and diaper changes obsolete. They only require sustenance once every three days, which can be acquired from any simple cellulose structure. My progeny are pre-programmed for perfect obedience, accepting only your commands, however peevish they may be. Johnny's kids do not require supervision, and will essentially raise themselves. All you need do is provide their incubation chamber, and watch them go! The birthing process is simple and easy. After nine months, the child will propel itself from the womb, compact in a shape much like that of a small folded umbrella. Upon exit, the child will began a three hour process of drying and unfolding, until it has plumped, cutened, and is ready to be adored by you and all your envious friends. In the event that you would want to terminate the pregnancy, a verbal deactivation sequence can be initiated, and the child will slip easily from your birth canal. The robotic fetus will remain intact, in event that you should wish to resume pregnancy at a later date. To resume pregnancy, simply slip the fetus back in, as you would a common household tampon, and pregnancy will be reinitiated.

My Blog

Not to be a dick but...

Premature babies are just cuter than the regular variety! Not that I'm encouraging the ladies to let their fetuses loose before they're done cooking, all I'm saying is primis deserve some props too!Ca...
Posted by on Wed, 25 Jul 2007 05:07:00 GMT

Want some Pot Noodle Big Dave?

I hunger. I will fuck lepers for noodles!
Posted by on Mon, 12 Feb 2007 05:37:00 GMT

Valentine's Lessons

To all you single ladies out there, let me relay to you some helpful hints on dating from my man Aristotle:Remember:"It is fitting that a woman of a well-ordered life should consider that her [man's] ...
Posted by on Sat, 10 Feb 2007 18:22:00 GMT

There's Got To Be More To Life Than Fighting Over Fish Heads

"You will begin to touch heaven, Jonathan, in the moment that you touch perfect speed. And that isn't flying a thousand miles an hour, or a million, or flying at the speed of light. Because any number...
Posted by on Thu, 08 Feb 2007 17:35:00 GMT

No more Mr. Nice Guy.

What can be said of Johnathan Bishop Weyland the fifth? He's such a nice guy, he's so darn sweet...well, that Johnny is dead an gone. Look ladies, I'm sick of being the one who has to clean up the mes...
Posted by on Wed, 07 Feb 2007 17:04:00 GMT