Hm...I don't even know English to express myself:) But I'll try. Somebody told that as well as tears the writing takes sad off your soul. So,I have a chance to check it;)
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Hi everybody! I am Mariya. Nobody called me that name untill I came to NY. I used to be Masha, Maha, Mahan'ka, even Mouse=)I've heard when you chande your name you definetely change tour destiny. So, maybe overturn in my life was inevitable. To behonest I am just a girl who fights with acnes and wrinkles at the same time. So I am not even sure how old I am;) Biologically - 26.But mentally sometimes I feel like I'm 40 years old woman with three children and lots of experience,full of concerns and barely tiredof playing the roles. But usually I am still like a 9 years old girl, happy and naive; who overreacts with people's offences, enjoys chupachups and cries in the theater watching lovescenes.)) That makes me believe that people's age determines by the way they feelthemselves.
I came in New Yorl from small Ukrainian city 9 months ago. The same time woman needs to get a baby. That's how I feel myself inmy mind - barely Pregnant.:-)Pregnant not with a baby but my future. Life is so different in here! Of course, I admire New York. Youhave to be either stupid or blind to do not love this city. This is so beautiful and so much in NYC! I like to wonder thinking that I canlost in the push, that evrywhere - around every corner - can be an adventure! However I still don't feel myself as me. I used to beamong the people all my life, sociable, frank and open, cheerful or sad - but always REAL. Those who know me know what I amsaying. But moving to NY made me shut up. I felt like an alient. It's like you end up in the different planet without knowing everything.You can see the sun, smell the trees, even hear the voices, - but you can't express youself and conceive the others the way they are. Iknow, it sounds crazy, but it was (or it is?) my life. It's like to be blind. God knows, how tired I'm in being immigrant.
However the new life is the new life; nobody told me it's going to be easy. After 4 months of studying English in Kingsborough I'vemade a decision to follow passion of my life - to be a hairstylist. I do hair all my life but I've never felt the way I am professional,despite of people said me that I do my best. So now I am a LIBS student (socially) but still an observer (in my mind). I still do nottalk a lot but (Thank God!:) people start to aproach me. I think I have a progress in my communication but it comes sssoooossslllooowww......:)......probably I need one or two years more to feel free and confident with people. I started to find out people.Some of them make me feel overwhelmed, - I've never seen such cruel, agressive and self-obsessed people like some New YorkersI've met. But some of them (thank God! Majority!)are absolutely amazing, wonderful, funniest people I've ever met! Creative, sincere,talented, full of passion and charisma. When I observe them I think, maybe one day I'll become a friend of them?:)
At the moment of deepest nostalgia and frustration when English seems like my biggest enemy and all that I want is to board the planeand fly away to hug my mom - there's only one person in the world who reanimates me. This is MY LOVE. The man, who loves mein the way I am, despite of my horrible English and evil nature. Man, with whom I'll never be alone, who took me away of my cosylittle world to show me THE WORLD. My Man.
I think life doesn't make any sense untill you do not love somebody. Every girl needs a man, like every child needs a mom. So despiteof all difficulties and trials I'm sure that everything is for better. I'm learning to accept life the way it comes to me.
And remember: Hapiness is the thing somewhere between too much and too little. EVERY MINUTE YOU'RE ANGRY OR SADYOU LOSE 60 SECONDS OF HAPPINESS.
So, be happy!:-)
Love.
M.
