Disappear Here

My birth came about as the result of a torrid affair between a certain Hollywood starlet (who shall remain nameless while lawsuits are pending) and her Latino poolboy. Fearing scandal in the tabloids, she left me with the circus, where I spent most of my youth. When I turned 12, however, I hit a growth spurt and could no longer pass for a juggling midget. Not wanting to be a burden, I said a tearful goodbye to what most would The Bearded Lady and the Lizard Man, but whom I affectionately called "Ma and Pa"...
I decided to fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing Berlin (the band, not the city)), but when I finally caught up with them, I had no money and had juggle flaming ice cubes in the parking lot to raise cash for a ticket. I was spotted by their manager and hired on the spot to be Berlin's opening act/towel boy. Those years were a dream come true and I will treasure them forever...
Alas, nothing is to last forever, and while touring in British Guinea, I came down with Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever (go figure) and had to be quarantined for a month. Alas, another tearful goodbye was to ensue, though this time from the business end of a plastic bubble. On top of that, I once again had no money. It had all gone up my nose due to my all consuming pixie-stick addiction. I was forced to worm farm with the pygmy natives just to survive...
Every cloud has a silver lining, however. I was finally forced to confront my addiction and am proud to say I haven't snorted one line of pixie-stix in 10 years. My new found clarity helped in witch doctor's apprenticeship. One day, a documentary film crew discovered our quaint little tribe. Thinking me to be the last albino pygmy giant in existence, they were desperate to take me back to North America. As much as I loved my little tribe, I was desperate to get back to the U.S. and resume the search for my long lost family. And besides: what's one little white lie to an albino pygmy giant?
After yet another tearful goodbye, I arrived back in Canada. Maybe not the U.S., but at least it was the right continent. For letting me be their human guniea pig, the university of Nova Scotia agreed to pay for my tuition. I majored in thermonuclearbioengineering with a minor in interpretive synchronized swimming. And guess what- I graduated at the top of my class!
Today I live comfortably in an undisclosed location for security purposes. It's okay though, I have a small family of chinchillas that keep me company. Plus I stay really busy in my job as an advocate for dyselix, deaf-mute, quadrapligic, transgendered, black lesbians! But I'm always looking to make new friends, so don't hesitate to write. LOVE!
I edited my profile with Thomas' Myspace Editor V4.4