Øläf Bjôrnsøn Vön Wülfstädtænbîttèrhåû profile picture

Øläf Bjôrnsøn Vön Wülfstädtænbîttèrhåû

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

About Me


Following a tragic, yet hilarious, lion taming accident at a central Georgia orphanage, I was given the choice of 6 years naval service or commensurate incarceration in a federal penitentiary. Now I labor day and night under the bitter yoke of draconian overseers, locked away from society in a confined space where overcrowded, unsanitary quarters breed sickness and disease amongst the malnourished chattel served by a single incompetent "doctor"(a very misleading epithet considering his dubious medical training). In this contemptable institution I stand stripped of my "unalienable rights" as delineated in our constitution and divested of any ascendancy over my own destiny. All aspects of my life are scrutinized under the unblinking eyes of the oppressive despots who keep me fettered in the adamantine chains of their ubiquitous tyranny...until my sentence has been served and I get off this fucking submarine.

My Interests

Music; Archaeology & History; Mythology; Museums; Playing Shakuhachi, Xiao, Gaida, Didjeridoo, Dvoyanka, Duduk, Ney, Panpipes, Irish Flute/Tin Whistle, Mijwiz, Native American Flute, and Guitar; Strangling small rodents with very short lengths of string

I'd like to meet:

People capable of independant thought with a random, obscure sense of humor. Oh yeah, and drunk chicks.

Music:

Iron Horse, The Chieftains, The Clancy Brothers, The Dubliners, The Fenians, Huun-Huur-Tu, Li Xiangting, Apocalyptica, Irish Drinking Songs/Rebel Songs/Ballads(pretty much all Irish Folk Music), Johann Sebastian Bach, Nikolay Andreyevich Rimsky-Korsakov, Boban Markovic Orkestar, Csókolom, Ibro Lolov & His Gypsy Orchestra, Okros Ensemble, Omar Faruk Tekbilek, Richard Hagopian, Taraf De Haïdouks, Trio Kavkasia, Mahala Rai Banda, Yiorgos Katsaris, Ali Akbar Khan, Anoushka and Ravi Shankar, L. Subramaniam, Zakir Hussain, Richard Stagg, Riley Lee, Stan Richardson, Kohachiro Miyata, Yamato Ensemble, Ensemble Accentus, Itzhak Perlman, The Klezmatics, Naftule Brandwein, Ardavan Kamkar, Djivan Gasparyan, Faramarz Payvar Ensemble, Gevorg Dabaghyan, Ghazal, Hasmik Harutyunyan & The Shoghaken Ensemble, Hossein Farjami, Kayhan Kalhor, Mohammad Reza Shajarian, Zarbang, R. Carlos Nakai, Yngwie Malmsteen, Hossam Ramzy, Rafa El Tachuela, Salsa Celtica, Ananda Shankar, Savina Yannatou, and some obscure artists you've probably never heard of.

Movies:

13th warrior, 1984, 21 Grams, Ab-normal Beauty, American Psycho, And Starring Pancho Villa as Himself, Animal Factory, Apocalypse Now, Assassin of the Tsar, Asylum, Audition, The Bad Lieutenant, Barton Fink, Ben-Hur, The Big Lebowski
Get this video and more at MySpace.com , Blow, The Body, Bond...James Bond, Boondock Saints
Get this video and more at MySpace.com , Borat, Bottomfeeders, Braveheart, Carlito's Way, Casino, Chaos(Hideo Nakata), Chusingura, Cinderella Man, City of Ghosts, Cleopatra, Collateral, Conan the Barbarian, Confidence, Cool Hand Luke, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, Curse of the Golden Flower, Dances With Wolves, Das Boot, The Debt, The Departed, Derailed, Desperado, Donnie Brasco, Dr. Strangelove..., The Duelists, Easy Rider, Empire of the Wolves, Fallen Angels(Wong Kar-Wai), Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Get this video and more at MySpace.com , La Femme Nikita, The French Connection, Full Metal Jacket, Fulltime Killer, The Funeral, The Game, Gangs of New York, Gangster #1, Gladiator
Get this video and more at MySpace.com , Godfather 1 and 2
Get this video and more at MySpace.com , Goodfellas, The Grey Zone, Hamlet(Mel Gibson), Heat, The Hebrew Hammer, Heist, Henry Fool, Henry V(Kenneth Branagh), Hero
Get this video and more at MySpace.com , House of Flying Daggers, House of Sand and Fog, The Hunted, In China They Eat Dogs, Indiana Jones, Insomnia, Interview with a Vampire, Jesus Christ Superstar(Both), Ju-On, Just Cause, Kagemusha, Killing Zoe, Kingdom of Heaven, King Lear(Laurece Olivier), King of New York, The Ladykillers, Lady Vengeance, The Last Temptation of Christ, Last Samurai, Layer Cake, Leon the Professional, The Lion in Winter, Lock Stock and 2 Smoking Barrels, Luck Number Slevin, Macbeth(Polanski), The Man Who Would Be King, El Mariachi, Miller's Crossing, Monty Python, Mystic River, Natural Born Killers, Die Nibelungenlied, No Good Deed, Old Boy
Get this video and more at MySpace.com , Once Upon A Time in America, Once Upon A Time in the West, One Hour Photo, Othello(Laurence Fishburne), The Passion of the Christ, A Perfect Murder, Platoon, Pulp Fiction, Quest for Fire, Raging Bull, Ran(Kurusawa), The Reckoning, Resevoir dogs, Revenger's Tragedy, Richard III(Ian McKellen), Road to Perdition, Ronin, Scarface, The Score, Serpico, The Seventh Seal, Shark Skin Man and Peach Hip Girl, Shinobi, Siddhartha, Snatch, Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story, Straw Dogs, Suicide Kings, Sympathy for Mr. Vengeace, Taxi Driver, Ten Commandments, Throne of Blood, Tideland, Titus, Tombstone, Traffic, The Transporter, Troy, Unforgiven, The Untouchables, The Usual Suspects, Very Bad Things, Waynes World
Get this video and more at MySpace.com , The Wall, The Warrior, Willow, Way of the Gun, Young Frankenstein.....just to name a few.

Television:

documentaries, family guy, monty python, history channel, Colbert Report, Reno 911, Rome

Get this video and more at MySpace.com
Get this video and more at MySpace.com
Get this video and more at MySpace.com

Books:

Archaeology, History, The Classics, Epic Poetry, Paradise Lost, Beowulf, The Song of Roland, Die Nibelungenlied, Volsungasaga, The Song of My Cid, Oddysey/Iliad, The Aeneid, Argonautika, Arabian Nights, The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, Gilgamesh, The Poetic Edda, myhtology/religious writings from all over including the bible(king james), koran, avesta, apocrypha, upanishads, vedas, etc...(not religious by any means but they're just damn good reading), 1984, War and Peace, Edgar Allen Poe, The Divine Comedy, Lovecraft, William Blake, Goethe, Utopia, Heart of Darkness, Shakespeare(Tragedy only), Coleridge, Melmoth the Wanderer, Le Morte d'Arthur, Oedipus cycle, Idylls of the King, End of the Bronze Age, After the Ice(A Global Human History 20,000-5,000BC), A Concise History of the World, Voyages in Classical Mythology, The Penguin Encyclopedia of Ancient Civilizations, JOSEPH CAMPBELL, The Last Temptation of Christ

Heroes:

Keyser Soze(I believe in God -- and the only thing that scares me is Keyser Soze.), Vigo("Vigo the Carpathian was the ruler of Carpathia and Moldavia. On a mountain of skulls, in a castle of pain, he sat on a throne of blood. Not exactly a man of the people, the evil tyrant gave himself such nicknames as the Scourge of Carpathia and the Sorrow of Moldavia, and was also known to his people as Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, and Vigo the Unholy. In 1610 his people rebelled against him, and decided that his death should equal his cruelty. Vigo was poisoned, stabbed, shot, hung, stretched, disemboweled, and finally drawn and quartered. Before he finally died, his severed head uttered his last words: "Death is a but a door, time is but a window. I'll be back!"), Stewart Gilligan Griffin("Forecast for tomorrow: a few sprinkles of genious with a chance of doom."), Aaron the Moor(Titus Andronicus)(LUCIUS Art thou not sorry for these heinous deeds? AARON Ay, that I had not done a thousand more. Even now I curse the day--and yet, I think, Few come within the compass of my curse,-- Wherein I did not some notorious ill, As kill a man, or else devise his death, Ravish a maid, or plot the way to do it, Accuse some innocent and forswear myself, Set deadly enmity between two friends, Make poor men's cattle break their necks; Set fire on barns and hay-stacks in the night, And bid the owners quench them with their tears. Oft have I digg'd up dead men from their graves, And set them upright at their dear friends' doors, Even when their sorrows almost were forgot; And on their skins, as on the bark of trees, Have with my knife carved in Roman letters, 'Let not your sorrow die, though I am dead.' Tut, I have done a thousand dreadful things As willingly as one would kill a fly, And nothing grieves me heartily indeed But that I cannot do ten thousand more.), Iago(Othello) ("Divinity of hell! When devils will the blackest sins put on, They do suggest at first with heavenly shows, As I do now: for whiles this honest fool Plies Desdemona to repair his fortunes And she for him pleads strongly to the Moor, I'll pour this pestilence into his ear, That she repeals him for her body's lust; And by how much she strives to do him good, She shall undo her credit with the Moor. So will I turn her virtue into pitch, And out of her own goodness make the net That shall enmesh them all."), Col. Kurtz("I've seen the horror. Horrors that you've seen. But you have no right to call me a murderer. You have a right to kill me. You have a right to do that, but you have no right to judge me. It's impossible for words to describe what is necessary to those who do not know what horror means. Horror. Horror has a face, and you must make a friend of horror. Horror and mortal terror are your friends. If they are not, then they are enemies to be feared. They are truly enemies."), Dr. Gonzo("as your attorney I advise you to take a hit out of the little brown bottle in my shaving kit"), Conan the Barbarian("Conan, what is best in life?" "To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.")....NOT that faggot Conan the Destroyer.

My Blog

Someday I'll learn my lesson

Every time I go grocery shopping I make the same mistake. I'm ready to check out and there are two registers open. One has four customers waiting in line and the other has just one. So I get in the s...
Posted by Øläf Bjôrnsøn Vön Wülfstädtænbîttèrhåûsènstêïn III on Mon, 25 Sep 2006 07:54:00 PST

ftn

One of the best things about being in the navy is the quality of people you get to work for.  These are empty men who know they could not hope to do any better on the outside so they've...
Posted by Øläf Bjôrnsøn Vön Wülfstädtænbîttèrhåûsènstêïn III on Sun, 25 Jun 2006 05:45:00 PST

the great universal truth

After long and careful deliberation and a series of disappointing field expirements I have come to the conclusion that you can turn white milk into chocolate milk but you CANNOT turn chocolate milk in...
Posted by Øläf Bjôrnsøn Vön Wülfstädtænbîttèrhåûsènstêïn III on Sat, 24 Jun 2006 07:33:00 PST

Don't judge me...

Have you ever been driving down the road when you see a homeless woman on the side of the road with a sign saying "please help my kids" and you think to yourself, "I could take her to a hotel, get her...
Posted by Øläf Bjôrnsøn Vön Wülfstädtænbîttèrhåûsènstêïn III on Sat, 24 Jun 2006 10:05:00 PST

I've always wanted to...

I've always wanted to dress up as Waldo from "Where's Waldo", hide behind a tree in a playground, and say to the first child that walks by "If you tell anyone where I am, I'll kill you and everyone yo...
Posted by Øläf Bjôrnsøn Vön Wülfstädtænbîttèrhåûsènstêïn III on Sat, 24 Jun 2006 09:36:00 PST