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I'm actually going to write a description for this, though normally I just list stuff like the "Who am I?" section below, but I'm getting reacquainted with some military and drum corps buddies I haven't seen in a long time so this is the "catch up" part of the About Me for them.
I'm a Southern California girl born and bred. My "home" has been in the Antelope Valley since 1988. I graduated from Quartz Hill High School in 1991 and followed with graduations from Antelope Valley College (1994 and 1997) and Cal State Northridge in 1996. I was an Education: Deaf Studies Major.
During this time I also marched colorguard in the Sacramento Freelancers Drum and Bugle Corps (92, 93, 94) and Blue Knights from Denver, Colorado (95). In my age-out year (96) I switched to the front ensemble percussion (pit) in Blue Knights. I also played in the pit with Antelope Valley College when they still had a marching band in 1993 and 1994 and for Cal State Northridge Marching Band in 1997.
In January, 1998, I joined the Air Force and I went through Officer Training School in Maxwell AFB, Alabama. I was first stationed as a Services Officer at Hill AFB, Utah and then I was transferred to the remote Utah Test and Training Range (UTTR) in 1999 as the Director of Operations. For my last assignment I was sent to Incirlik AB, Turkey (a Turkish base, not an American base) in 2001 as the Chief of Protocol. I was there for the Sept. 11th attacks but that's a whole other story.
I separated from the Air Force on July 4th, 2002 (gives a whole new meaning to Independence Day) and promptly moved to Bakersfield, CA, for a great job with Target Distribution. I bought a house and lived there for two years before I moved back to the Antelope Valley in 2004 to be closer to my family and many friends that were all moving back as they also separated from the various branches of the military.
Which leads to now; living in the Antelope Valley, working for LA County and still active in choir and theater and marching my third year in an all-age drum corps.
Now back to our regularly scheduled "About Me."
Smart people learn from their own mistakes, smarter people learn from other’s mistakes. Let me help you learn.
“LESSONS OF MY LIFE”
When you drop your keys, look for nearby walls or obstructions FIRST. Then lean over to pick up the keys. Do not use your head to “find” the nearby wall.
People of any color or ethnic background can be “white trash.”
Apparently, Sheba is an incredibly controversial cat name.
When you can’t find the escalator to the newly renovated Sears home center “basement,” do not walk up to a clerk and ask, “Excuse me. Can you tell me where I can go down?”
You cannot get tortillas for sex.
In any type of performance or presentation, if something goes wrong, it’s the sound. It'll get you every time.
“Sleeping in” are two of the best words known to humankind.
If a pair of pants does not have a belt loop directly in the middle on the back waistband, do not purchase them.
In Turkey, “spacious” is a relative term.
“Having a job” and “working” are not the same things, especially if you work for any form of government. I exclude the military from this statement.
The true translation of “Rincon del Diablo” is “music of the devil.”
Moving blows major chunks.
Show your friends how much you love and appreciate them... even if you’re broke, even if you have to work at Pizza Hut part time for 10 weeks, whatever it takes... pay for movers.
The act of getting an odd or funny injury is never the most painful part. It’s the constant explaining afterwards of what happened over and over again that causes the most pain. That, and the funny looks that occur as a result of said explanation. For example: a curling iron burn just above the ankle; a chemical burn in your throat; pulling a back muscle taking off your sock;
In the game Nameburst, the correct answer to the clue of “The most famous dolphin ever” is not Flipper, but Dan Marino.
Proactiv and Murad are gifts from God.
The word “hella” needs to be stricken from the English language.
When your boyfriend’s parents, who you have only briefly met once before, drive you to the hotel for a family wedding because your boyfriend’s plane is late, do not enter the room and immediately turn and say, “Why are there two beds?”
Never, never, never call a former Marine an “ex-Marine.”
If you’re going to have a virus on your computer, the Anna Kournikova virus is the one to have.
Just after you hear your cat scream and run for its life and you ask your 4-year-old brother, “What happened?” it is not a stretch to assume he is probably lying when he replies, “What? I didn’t kick the cat.”
Spray Deodorant - Static Guard -- NOT interchangeable
The word “stupidhead” is almost as versatile as the word “dude.”
Never make eye contact with your cats, because they translate that as, “Cool. She’s going to pet me now.”
Don’t worry, it’s my fault.
Brownies are too a side dish.
On one of the military's overseas educational "commercials," regardless of how much I really want it to happen, "Luxembourg" will never be the answer to the "U.S. State Quiz."
There is no standard procedure on how to leave a poker table in Vegas and walk up to a person who just left that same table and say to them, “Excuse me sir, but I think you left your leg behind,” and you weren’t talking about chicken.
That being said, it is not nice to laugh out loud at an amputee who has driven his cart back to get his leg and you realize that after he retrieves it, he still only has one leg and he’s a double amputee. <-- I’m sorry. I just couldn’t help thinking to myself, “Did he start out the night with two artificial legs, and is down to one? Did he gamble it away? Maybe you can lose an arm and a leg gambling.” I still really, really want to know what happened with that guy and know if he did start the night out with both his artificial legs.
All bad driving directions lead to San Juan Capistrano.
It’s really fun to stick your finger in your cat’s mouth right as he/she is yawning.
You have no right to complain about your friends laughing hysterically at you when you just finished asking, “I can’t remember. In the movie ‘Pete’s Dragon,’ what is the name of the boy who has the pet dragon?”... and you were serious.
Wookiees do it in the woods.
You can push start a commuter bus, repeatedly.
As an adult, I now realize that socks and underwear really are great gifts.
Popping bubble wrap is the best therapy in the world.
When your mom insists that you go to your high school prom and you really don’t want to go and think it’s a waste of money, stay strong and don’t go. It’s not worth it.
Responsibility can really suck.
The Germans don’t know how to make pizza, American or Italian style.
There is nothing unethical in making your World of Warcraft tauren (cow) a leatherworker. It’s called irony, or really appropriate sarcasm.
Contrary to what they told me when I was entering Air Force Officer Training School(OTS) as an Officer Trainee(OT), James and Lee did not do “all the push ups.”
When the Physical Training (PT) captain in OTS yells and yells and yells at you in front of dozens of other OTs after having just seen you hang in the upper strength PT test for only two seconds and then says, “That is pathetic! You didn’t even try. Two seconds? Two seconds!!!! You’re here to improve, to work hard, to TRY!!! What were your times for the last tests,” and you reply “All zero seconds ma’am!” and she pauses for a moment and responds quietly with, “Good job OT. Carry on,” just take the compliment and flee... immediately!
If you’re a teen, and your mom, who is a very busy housewife, complains that your paycheck was only $42 this week, DO NOT reply with, “That’s $42 more than you made.”
The folding doors in front of the washer and dryer at the house in which I grew up cannot withstand my body weight when thrown into them by my mother in response to the above statement.
The heating elements for electrical ovens are on the top unlike the gas ovens I grew up using. I have a nice little scar from this “lesson.”
Always spend the extra money to get a good quality bra that is also pretty. You’ll feel so much better and girly throughout the day.
Don’t worry, no matter how embarrassing something was that happened to you, Jenn’s story is much worse.
Apparently a cat’s greeting consists of, “Hi. Here’s my butt.”
AND NOW FOR A SPECIAL, RARELY SEEN TREAT...
THE REAL "ABOUT ME" SECTION.
I think sarcasm should be an Olympic sport.
I think that, without question, nylons are the work of the devil and jeans are pretty much the best things ever invented. God bless Levi Strauss and the California Gold Rush.
I feel I have been incredibly blessed with all that I have in my life.
At Burger King, I order a Whopper with no onions and onion rings.
I think Miracle Whip is an affront to humanity.
I am the Microsoft Office keyboard shortcut queen.
My music collection includes the “The Clash” and “Hanson.”
I like playing Star Wars RPG with my friends. Sometimes it’s just fun to be a Wookiee.
I’ve seriously considered joining the Peace Corps.
When I started at my job for the LA County, it pained me every time I entered a prescription at work because the tops of all of our Los Angeles County prescriptions were marked as confiNdential.
It pains me even more that they had these pads for almost a year and I was the first one to notice this when they hired me!
I’m a board game freak. I love playing board games, especially word-based games like Scattergories and Balderdash.
One of the most devastating days of my life was when I was 23 and I found out “Jedi” wasn’t a real word. It altered my reality as I knew it. <-- Truly not an exaggeration.
I’m glad I’m a girl.
That being said, I can assemble my own furniture, change the oil in my car, operate bulldozers and front end loaders and make household repairs all by myself.
I am a touchy-feely person and a complete and total flirt.
I think the biggest joys in life come from the simple things.
I don’t think it’s being prejudiced or asking too much that if you’re hired as a government employee because you’re bilingual that one of the languages you actually speak and understand is English.
I’m a commuter weenie. I hate driving anywhere that’s not local.
One of the best things I’ve ever done in my life is blowing up and destroying 1.1 million pounds of old Navy nuclear missile motors.
I’ve always wished I could be my shadow. She’s thinner, doesn’t get acne, has straight teeth, has pretty ankles, speaks Spanish fluently, has smaller feet, can deal with inconsiderate people, can play basketball, understands symbolism, doesn’t rely on sarcasm, has excellent posture, wears her pretty dresses and skirts often, actually cooks and doesn’t have problems sleeping.
I’ve won pretty much every drill down I’ve ever been in.
I love just sitting and watching my fish.
Even more, I love watching my cat watch my fish. She’s hysterical.
I like that I really don’t care if you think I’m boring because I like watching my fish.
As a government employee, it astounds me exactly how much “abuse of the system” is going on. I mean I knew. I just didn’t know.
I won a wolf-howling contest when I was 12.
I still believe in true love.
I can type really fast and my hair is really long. Okay, not quite so long anymore.
I cheat and add money in SimCity 4 because I want my cities to rock.
I heard someone describe an acquaintance as the “avatar of human woe” and I think that’s just the most fitting and poetic thing I’ve ever heard. I’ve also heard a friend refer to a certain activity as an “exercise in irrelevance.” I like that very much as well.
I can’t just “let it go.” I’m not built like that.
I prefer female brownies.
Diet Pepsi or any other caffeinated beverage gets me drunk. Don’t believe me? Ask John if he wants to go to Carrows after the football game? P.S. That’s where they serve the female brownies.
I have been on a conference call with the White House travel staff and the Office of Defense Cooperation for Turkey conducting very high-level state business regarding the travel of the Vice President of the United States to our base ... while completely naked. Nothing like being “on call” 24/7. That’s one thing I don’t miss from the military. 8o)
I truly believe everything happens for a reason.
I am a long time member of the Science Fiction Book Club.
I’m somewhat self-centered, but not in a negative way. It is possible. It’s called being oblivious.
I think “Casablanca” is amazing and “Citizen Kane” is a worthless piece of crap even when taking into consideration all of the political turmoil and ramifications of the movie when it was originally released.
I won’t buy the generic versions of Nyquil, Best Foods Mayonnaise, Bounce fabric sheets or Diet Pepsi and though I can be cheap, I refuse to buy nothing but the best bread, toilet paper, paper towels and swiss cheese.
As an adult, I read “Hamlet” all by myself, just for fun and quite liked it.
I have almost no sense of smell.
I believe inconsiderate people should get an automatic death sentence with no chance for appeal.
I’m slightly addicted to sunflower seeds and pistachio nuts. Luckily, pistachio nuts are incredibly expensive and therefore out of my reach. Unfortunately, sunflower seeds are not. 8o(
I will “fall on my sword” for something I believe in.
I’m straight, but if you stand Keira Knightley (or Ziyi Zhang) and Johnny Depp (or Ewan McGregor) in front of me and said you get to sleep with one of these people, I’d have a very hard time choosing.
I have never yet set foot inside Panera Bread because I’m not allowed. That would be like sending an alcoholic into a beer-tasting establishment and saying, “Have at it.” <-- Okay, I have been in one now and the good news is their salads are SO good that I’m usually able to avoid the dreaded bread entrees. The bad news is that this doesn’t always work.
I’m exceptionally lucky. I’m always in the right place, at the right time, with the right people to hear or do the right things or collect pertinent, previously unknown information.
Because of this, I’ve had friends say, “She’s like our own little version of the NSA.”
I willingly drive a 1995 Mazda Protege, yet I’ve installed a Kenwood stereo system with Infinity speakers in said car.
Brushing my hair is one of the sexiest things a man can do for me.
I absolutely love fall weather. It’s awesome!
I can’t stand people who don’t discipline or “parent” their children.
I’m so talented I can break an “unbreakable” empty Corelle® bowl by dropping it on carpet. I bet you don’t know anyone else who’s done that.
I truly believe that sometime in the future, I will have a children’s book published.
My coworkers have renamed me “Cathie You’reSoFunny.”
I’ve always liked wolves and I don’t know why.
I think it would be awesome if the U.S. would enlist a mandatory Governmental Conscription of 2 years of government service or 1 year of military service after you graduate high school or should have graduated high school.
Except for the fact that I don’t like spicy foods, I am the epitome of a Leo.
Symbolism can kiss my ass.
I’m a master of “CYA” and bullshitting.
I think making this list was fun.
It no longer bugs me if people don’t like me. I probably don’t like them anyway.
I so desperately detest injustice that sometimes it makes me physically ill.
While in the military, I was this close to being incarcerated because I had made an incredibly informed and researched decision not to take the anthrax vaccine.
I love going to the zoo.
I listen to instrumental Christmas music year round.
I’m a Southern California girl; born and bred. Deal with it.
  I edited my profile with Thomas Myspace Editor V4.4 (www.strikefile.com/myspace)