3006275

He is this guy from the dark side of the moon. He writes stories that defy all logical belief, composes poetry that no one can figure out, falls in love with women he sees in line at the amusement park, stayed at the DeGeorgio Holiday Inn, tried to climb the wall, had the walrus, jumped up and touched the sky, tried to get Jolt Cola to go 8x caffiene, offended an old lady at the Quality Inn in California, tried to see if his hand would get caught on the headchopper effect on the Gemini, tried to get MS windows to work without crashing (impossible!), rode on an A320 while his mind jumped off the plane into the city below, outran a cop for ten miles while driving at 85mph on the expressway (she had an attitude problem, needed a good spanking and I'm just the one to give it to her), visted Eskimo Jane on the south side of the US, watched as yuppies drove their beamer into garbage cans and over people's feet, tried to figure out who really gives a fuck when there is a baby on board sign in someone's car, survived Catholic school, met Bulzi, discovered the power of the darkside, discovered the power of the light side, embraced his shadow, entered a church full of evil, conquered the world, gets peeved off at when the silly rabbit can't have the Trix, has fed LSD to Barney the purple dinosaur, has recieved his medal in a dream, took a large 151 proof Gin and tonic to Mrs. Clegg, has lived in the past, ate oatmeal in a closet during a thunderstorm, saw Bob Dole fall off the stage, figured out why Madonna broke up with Sean Penn (she tried to take his picture), met Tiny Tim in Florida and at Edgewater Park, ate lunch with the lion at the zoo, bungled in the jungle, backed a van into a fire hydrant, saw Alan Parsons playing the guitar on the stage, tried to burn down an acursed shopping mall with ESP, met Worgl on the southside of the US, met Jesus in the rain, drove a train through a park, went swimming outside the wall, sat on the porch and watched the world, watched the girl across the street on the front porch masturbating in her bathrobe, played Lady Madonna on a Bosendorfer (the 96-key one), survived AOL, watched the sunrise on the other side of the lake, met Syd Barrett and Captain Kirk in wildspace, saw mystical characters wandering on the back lawn, wandered through the dark woods up north, voted for third party candidates, battled the enemy in deep-space, watched the candles fall over in church, went from Knight to Kresgae Hall, survived double pneumonia, met Chuck Barris, Bob Barker, and Soupy Sales at the house of Xovangam, rode a haunted elevator in a hotel, wandered for a mile up and down Touhy avenue, played Hammond organ for a room full of ghosts, Met Wendolina and Cynthia on the south side of the US, stood by the Nile, climbed trees and looked at the world below, conquered China (three times, going on four!), ran a sucessful airline, watched eagles soaring in the sky, misbehaved in church, watched water hit the power lines, wandered around the darkest side of Detroit, drank fire water and walked around hypnotic, saw Dr. Bellows and Aunt Bea at the Bob Evans in Elyria, saw the moon through the trees, walked around the land of the craziness, figured out the meaning of life (its all bullshit), saw the land beyond the lake, listened to AM radio, ran a skyscraper, ate at the Chinese diner (Happy Garden & Great Lakes!), met Elmira and Beverly in Toronto, got stuck with a bunch of weird German tourists at the restaraunt at the CN Tower, listened to pygmies chanting and coming through the wall, met Ai Lin on the elemental plane of Air, became a warrior, wandered through the house of death, blessed the sinners and unbelievers at the Ren fest, danced to Moroder, got trapped by John and Yoko Ono at a doctors office, and saw the stars and galaxies in the sky and in his eyes. He was last seen drinking a starfruit drink while at the helm of the USS Enterprise, heading somewhere into the spocklight zone, around 53 miles west of Venus, 4 kilometers north of Saturn, but most likely in Ken's garage where the burglars from another dimension have stolen all the tools.