I'm very emotional. I tend to be clingy at times. I know when to let go... sometimes. I have a hard time trusting, and an even harder time believing that trust has been broken when and if it has. If you have broken my trust, you will never get it back. I can convince myself of just about anything. I have 5 fears in life: Abandonment, Heights, Bridges (especially open grate or ones with see-through sides), Being Alone In Thunder/Lightning storms, and Letting those I care about down. I have 1 regret in life. That 1 regret will never change, at least not until I come to grips with it. I'm adopted. I want to have a child.... someday. I love my family very much, but we don't always get along. I don't expect the world, but I do expect the love & respect that I give to be reciprocated. I love unabashedly and with no reserves. I like using big words to make me sound smart... on occasion; there are times I prefer to play the 'dumb blonde'. I am smarter than I let on. I have absolutely no idea of the correct way to use apostrophe's for pluralizing words that already end in 's'. Stupid grammar mistakes like 'their' instead of "there" or "they're" really irritate me. I love hugs. a lot. I don't need a lot of it, but I do need my space. I'm not afraid of change. I am afraid to take the steps towards changing things if I am unsure of their outcome. I haven't yet learned how to embrace the unknown. I'm still quite a child. I'm also very grown up for my age. I know things like Chocolate, Ice Cream, Cookies, Caffeine, and other assorted sugary goodness will likely be my demise one day... so I cut out the chocolate, ice cream, cookies and other assorted sugary goodies. I'm addicted to caffeine, nicotine, and euphoria. I enjoy the thrill of trying something new. I want to go sky diving some day. I want to go scuba diving. I want to visit Hawaii, Okinawa, Alaska, and go on a cruise to the Caribbean. I want someone to appreciate me and all the little things I do. I want someone to believe that I actually am beautiful. I wish I could hear those words spoken by someone who actually believes it. I fully believe in the saying 'Wait for the man who calls you beautiful or gorgeous instead of sexy or hot.' I have not yet found that man. I seem to always manage to get myself into painful or hurtful situations. I don't always know when to stop fighting for something I believe in. Speaking of fighting - I don't do it. I will sit and explain myself no matter how much my voice may break or wobble, or how many tears are coming down my face, but I don't yell. ever. Unless the cats have knocked over something breakable, or the dog pee'd on the
carpet... you get the idea. I don't believe in yelling at another human being.
I have motivation in life, but I don't always have motivation in my day-to-day activities. I have learned how to control my moods via healthy outlets: Music, Art, Creativity, Exercise, or hot chocolate with a friend. I have panic attacks once in a GREAT while. I haven't yet learned how to control them, I give to others first and think about myself later. What good am I to the world if I have no friends to share it with? I can't draw to save my life. Can't really sing either. Neither of the previous 2 statements stop me. I have a wide spread love of music. Most people cringe at my playlists. I've been called a hippie. I'll even agree with that. I love tye-dye and incense. I enjoy being creative. I love horseback riding. I grew up on a farm. I worked for a Vet for 4 years. I used to want to be a Veterinarian when I grew up, until I sat in on the surgery of my dog getting spayed and realized I couldn't handle the blood. I have an undying love for all animals. My parents can attest to that fact. I love to laugh. I hate to cry. Crying makes me sleepy. So does sex. I don't need a lot of sex. I do need affection. Not a lot, but enough. A smile, a hug, holding hands, a simple scratch on the back as you pass by, or a scratch on the head, random kisses, PDA's. Not PDA in the form of slobbering all over each other in public, but I don't want someone that won't hold my hand or give me a quick kiss in public. I can sit for hours with a friend or friends and say nothing, and have it be the best day of my life. My friends are crazy in their own unique way, and just like me. They are my life. I love them all to pieces. I love cooking, don't mind cleaning... Not a big fan of vacuuming or laundry. Candlelit bubble baths with a good book are a sure fire way to put me in a relaxed state. I shower with all the lights out. I love pictures. Taking them and being in them. Pictures are my way of remembering the good times, and the bad. Pictures capture my childlike innocence. They also capture all the things about myself that I don't like, and remind me what I need to work on. I love roller skating. Can't run (or jog) to safe my life. Love swimming. I can't go underwater without holding my nose. I don't like wearing dresses. Skirts are okay. I have never bought or owned anything from Victoria Secret's. For some reason, that bothers me. I have never had any one ever buy me jewelry. I have only gotten flowers twice in my life, not including my parents. I used to have 15 piercings. I'm down to 6. I want more. I have 4 tattoo's. Have at least 2 more planned already. All my tattoo's have meaning. I studied martial arts for almost 4 years. I'm not afraid anymore of being jumped when I walk down the street because I know I can handle my own. I still want a guy that is going to protect me. All in all...
I am just me.
