I'm an actor. I'm a writer. I'm a director.
I've gotten 2 principle roles in commercials this last 6 months. One for Monster Energy, supposed to air on their web site sometime soon, but who knows when it'll really air. And I just did one for Discovery Channel where I play Lance Armstrong's evil clown nemisis...not kidding at all. Watch for it. (ATTENTION ALL MATT WELKER FANS: THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL COMMERCIAL IS NOW AIRING! YOU MAY NOW REJOICE)I'm in a fake band. I'm southern to the core. I don't have much of an accent, sorry. I love Alabama. I miss Alabama. I love LA. I love the beaches. I love the weather. I love the freaks. I hate the traffic. I love my friends here. I love my friends back home. I miss them. I wish me and all my friends all had superpowers and we could fly around and fight crime. And after we were done saving the world, with the exception of any country who disagrees with America, we would go to a bar, get drunk, and hook up. That would be the best. I've been in love. I've been loved. I've had my heart broken. It was always worth it. I love women. I hate non women. I'm a nice guy, and I've never finished last. Women do like nice guys. Problem is, most nice guys don't have balls. Grow balls, be nice, get the girl. I hate guys who quote movie lines to women. They don't know what you're talking about. And even if they do, they're not impressed that you took the time to memorize 3 seconds of dialogue and repeat it over...and over...and over. You're not funny. Stop. My life is grounded in my faith in God. He has given me everything, and I can't complain. I hate Nazis. They're bad. I hate political correctness. Learn to laugh at yourself, it's less stressful. Constantly being offended takes time away from having sex. I don't like liberals. I hate liberals who can't back up their own arguments, which is most of them, I've found. There's nothing worse than someone who screams at you for your beliefs, and can't come up with one fact to back up their own. I hate people who come into our country and refuse to learn the language. This is America. Learn to speak American! I love meat. Vegetarians are stupid. I hate haircuts. I hate shaving. I'm scruffy. I love old worn out clothes. I love oldies music. It's what I grew up on. Thanks mom. My family has supported me through everything, and they always will. I love them for that, and everything else. I love my dog, even though he's stupid sometimes. I love good movies. I love bad movies. I love Saved By The Bell. For years, I thought that's what high school would really be like. I was wrong. I love the 80's. How can you not love a decade that ridiculous? I love mid 90's alternative music. I love pictures. I take pictures of everything and everyone. I never want to forget any of it. I love my life. I've had amazing experiences. I've had amazing friends. I have amazing memories of it all. I love hole in the wall bars. I'm not into the Hollywood club scene. I haven't had plastic surgery. I wouldn't fit in. I just need a cheap beer in one hand, and a cigarette in the other. I've been in fights. The one thing that will make me fight is seeing a guy mistreat or manhandle a woman. Not freakin cool. I believe the South will rise again. We have shoes now, why not? That's me.
And I kinda love the most wonderful woman ever, by the way.
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