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A New Beginning
I don't think any of you realize that as you are reading this you're eating out of the palm of my hand. you are right where I want you, which ironically is not where I want you. I could go on and on about myself and you'd believe every single word of it, while it could turn out to be nothing but lies.
I could tell you that autumn is my favorite season. that eating too much chocolate makes me sick. that I have a tendancy to push people away before they can push me away. that someday I'd really like to write novels. it would be impossible for you to know if those things are actually true. and just to set your mind at ease, I'll tell you that they are.
I like when people know things about me that I myself do not know. I long for a sense of security. it would be nice to have some friends that care about me as much as I care about them. I lead a life of solitude and while I don't mind it at times, it can get lonely. I often contradict myself, furthermore proving that I have no idea what I'm talking about. please don't make me out to be something I'm not. I am just like you in the sense that I have bad hair days and bad days in general at that. I am not superior to you. in fact, I am probably inferior. but don't act like you know what I'm all about either, because after 16 years, I still do not know.
No more lies, no more deceit.
I'm done with all of that.
I am way different than I was a month ago.
I've grown up.
I want to witness compassion and true love; something pure.
I hate how everyone knows, but doesnt understand-
we hurt the people we love the most, we live our lives, we make mistakes and ruin opportunities ...and "we know." but are content with the fact that it makes others miserable? we must be, because theres never an effort to try to change matters, theres never any want to make things better! you think of yourself, and as long as youre happy everything is okay.- we dont realize how badly we actually impact one, or ones life. we just sit here, and act as if we did nothing wrong, completley oblivious to the situation and the world around it. we come to excuses for why we fucked up, knowing the ones we care about will forgive us in the end. loving and being loved is a gift. but way too many individuals take advantage of that. and i hope one day you wake up with a taste of your own medicine.
