The Center for Improv Attitude

Dr. Paul Blumenthal, Director of Research: born in 1971 in Norway, in the very building which houses the Nobel Foundation – as a matter of fact, his mother, Dr. Marie Blumenthal, went into labor while waiting to see if she had in fact been awarded the prize for chemistry in that year, and refused to go to the hospital until her rival, Gerhard Herzberg, nominated for “geometry of molecules, particularly free radicals” had finished his speech. “I’LL show HIM geometry,” Marie was heard to have said, “Let HIM push something the size of a water molecule through a single hydrogen nucleus, and THEN we’ll talk Nobel prizes... Free radical, my ass.”
A Canadian citizen by birth, Dr. Blumenthal was awarded his first doctorate, in the field of Physics, at the tender age of four. He has since acquired a total of eight doctorates, in the fields of Probability, History, Music, Sarcasm, Entertainment History and Critique (with a focus on Comedic History), Self-Deprecation, and Psychology, with supplemental Masters degrees in multiple subjects including Political Humor and Frustration.
A long time student of the relationship between science (including questionable science) and entertainment, Dr. Blumenthal has garnered the nickname “Dr. Evil” in the scientific community, a nickname that was the source of mutual lawsuits between the CIA and a motion picture production company who had, Dr. Blumenthal insists, appropriated the nickname for their own usage. Both lawsuits were ultimately settled out of court.
Dr. Blumenthal founded the Center for Improv Attitude in 1994, although it was the culmination of decades of research into comedic luminaries such as the Marx Brothers, Abbott and Costello, Samuel Beckett, Eugene Ionesco, Luigi Pirandello, and Bob Hope. Blumenthal’s father, William Blumenthal, was not a scientist, but rather a long distance truck driver with a penchant for radio programs, both classic and modern.
Today, Dr. Blumenthal’s Center is dedicated to the exploration of the Great Comedy of Life in all its forms, and to this end, Dr. Blumenthal has assembled a dynamic staff of the world’s greatest minds in all fields. Dr. Blumenthal founded the Center in Bakersfield as a statement of this ultimate comedy of life, as he could find no market on the planet more ironic in every facet of its existence than that of Bakersfield, California. Visit the place. You’ll understand.
Dr. Ego Foretold: Foretold was born in the region of the Oregon deep woods known to the locals as "Off". A feral child his first 12 years, he lived on a diet of lichen, moss, and wild berries, supplemented by proteins and carbohydrates scavenged from the dumpster behind the Deep Woods Off Pizza Hut.

Foretold came to love the sound of children’s laughter when he bit into a bit of leftover calzone which, to his surprise, was covered in stinging ants. The children of the tourists laughed, and cheered for more as he screamed and flopped on the ground like a fish out of water. In all honesty, the parents of those children were laughing too.
He was socialized and taught English by one of the tourist couples, Ben and Mary Spiderpersons, who for many years toured as cover comics in a courageous attempt to bring classic vaudeville routines, particularly those of George Burns and Gracie Allen, to a modern audience. Ben always said "[Ego] was such a nervous child, the only thing that soothes him is when we laugh at him."
Dr. Foretold received his PHD from CIAs own Doctorate Certification Outreach Program, as he had, over the years, scrounged together the required $19.95 confirmation fee from pennies thrown at him during his foster parents’ performances. His foster parents couldn’t be happier and more proud.
With his first Doctorate in Vaudeville safely in hand, Dr. Foretold submitted his dissertation, “Saying Goodnight” to the C.I.A., where he was immediately put on staff. He has since obtained additional PhDs in Slapstick, Forestry and Culinary Arts, but how Dr. Foretold funded those, no one is saying.
Dr. Randy Splix: was born to Richard and Carol Splix in Kenya, Africa, in 1990. Dr. Splix encountered questions of personally spirituality early in life, when, at age 4, he was presented with options beyond the Protestantism he had been raised under. When his mother informed him he could “be whatever he wanted when he grew up,” he took that to be a challenge to his spirituality. Unfortunately, young Randy decided he wanted to be raised under “Democracy,” unaware that Democracy was a political ideal, rather than a religion.
Randy arrived in China in 1999, where he met and fell in love with Jiao Mei Qiaolian, the daughter of an industrialist toy producing magnate, who was an older woman at 14. She taught him Chinese, and… life.
At ten, at the turn of the millennium, Randy snuck onto a shipping boat moving Qiaolian toys from China to America, the land of Splix’s theological democracy. Three other stowaways died from sucking on the toys, whose paint was lead-based.
San Francisco of the year 2000 was mystifying to young Randall. He perceived Democracy as “Rainbows and Tall people.” Initially, America was so very different from China, but Dr. Splix soon found a community in SF in which he felt welcome and comfortable – Chinatown. The combination of Chinese sweatshops, lead paint death, and Rainbow-based-democracy took its toll on Splix, and he became an Atheist until the age of 16. San Francisco skewed Splix’s perceptions, leading him to believe half of America’s population is homosexual, the nation is vibrant and eccentric, dieting chiefly on fish, and chiefly – America has many art forms in which the country’s population takes part in for enjoyment, self-expression and self-fulfillment.
Enamored with the country as a result of his perception of San Francisco, Splix decided to explore more of our beautiful country. Travelling from San Francisco, he moved south, discovering Bakersfield, California. Bakersfield was so unfamiliar to him – the people were so different. Splix decided the civilization of Bakersfield had to have been completely disregarded by the rest of America. In this strange land where oil flowed from one side and agriculture hailed from the other, Splix met a man in a bar called Trout’s who was preaching that he had the cure for cancer, and that moreover, laughter could be a panacea for all of humanity’s ills.
Splix took a liking to the fellow, despite the intoxication of both men, and through conversation, learned about the man’s research facility, The Center For Improv Attitude. Earning his cross-curricular doctorate in Theology and Political Science from The University of California at Barstow with a supplemental Master’s in Deadpan from the California State University at Earlimart, Dr. Splix has been a full time staff member at the C.I.A. ever since.
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