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Prologue

I'm not from around here.


Whilst conducting my research into immortality, I experienced a period of extreme, almost sobering, lucidity, due to ingesting a dangerous combination of mind altering alkaloids. This "sobriety" lasting over a quarter of an hour, and fearing it might be contagious the people of my home planet of the Mushroomeaters, in the Gnomeslair galaxy , abandoned me on this planet just outside the town of Moenchengladbach Germany at about 10:45 am on the 1 st day of October in 1962 earth time, while they were on their way to a party on a small but fun-loving little planet in the Alpha Centauri system. I still remember it clearly; I was after all still suffering the effects of my hangunder.

 

Fortunately I was found in my dangerously combobulated state by the Fliegenpilz clan of the Heinzeslmänner , how I derived my surname, before I was discovered by the local authorities. Authority figures, and authority in general for that matter, are never a good thing, especially if you are discovered walking around in the nude in a public park and fail to speak the local dialect. While German society is considerably more tolerant of that sort of thing now in larger metropolotitan areas like ....Berlin...., you must remember this was in the early sixties in a mid sized town.

 

These little folk were curiously reminiscent of the people of my home, only shorter and obviously less technologically advanced. Even some of the words they used sounded vaguely familiar and had similar meaning though the language that they spoke was heavily interspersed with German. Their grammar too was more akin to our own than any earthly language that I have yet come across. If I should ever make it back I will have to investigate, perhaps I am not the only one ever to have been deserted here. Their diminutive size might well be accounted for by their constantly having to secret their activity from the more dull witted earthlings. Hundreds of successive generations of such behavior might well have exacted a genetic toll. Their oral history too lends itself to the belief that they may not be from this galaxy. But that is all conjecture and doesn't necessarily pertain to this narrative.

 

The Fliegenpilzners, both kind and wise beyond their stature, quickly grasped the enormity of my condition and were able to restore me to a state more natural to my constitution using a concoction of smoked barley malt, water, dronabinol , a most aromatic terpenoid was added as a preservative, as well as various other cannabinoids . This heavenly mixture was then left open to be fermented with wild yeasts. Muscimol , morphine, codeine, thebaine, papaverine, noscapine, and other opiates were later added to this already potent brew, which at this time was sweetened with breast milk and what the Fliegenpilzners snikeringly referred to as " moesen saft eines Jungfrau"; I later discovered this ingredient is what the British call virginal flange batter .
when drunk people dance
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My Interests

I'd like to meet:

People from my home planet of the Mushroomeaters in the Gnomeslair galaxy, commonly refered to, by you earthlings as the Andromeda Galaxy, a.k.a. Messier 31, M31, or NGC 224. I think these people would be fun/interesting to meet, as well.


Tom Robbins Belladonna Tommy Chong Flying Spaghetti Monster
Wayne Coyne Noam Chomsky Dalai Lama David Lynch
GIRLS GONE
WEED Jesus Bill Maher Jane Goodall
       
       
       

People whom I would have like'd to have met.

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Karl Marx Charles Darwin Nietzsche Albert Camus
Thomas Jefferson Abbie Hoffman Martin Heidegger HYPATIA
Official Ken Kesey Neal Cassady Henry Miller  

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