Yes, hello. I'm a very angsty teenage girl. I try not to think a lot, but that just causes me to think more. I center my life around the question, "who are we? and why are we here?" Upon studying this question my entire life, I have come to the conclusion that all of the answers to the entire universe lie within ourselves; that reality is simply nothing but habits that have accumulated over time ("if your teacher tells you it's right, then, by god, it's fuckin right! don't ever question THE TRUTH, PEOPLE!"), we have the power to change reality ourselves (DUH PEOPLE, COME ON!), that each of us are connected mentally and spiritually, and the key tapping into this subconcious state of being is to, rather than being in the state of reality, where analyzation of your surroundings is essential to life as humans, and enter a state of knowing; realize that the mind is a control center of your perceptions, and YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE IT!!! YOU!... YES, YOU! That would *have* to mean that everything as we know it in reality and everything that will ever be known lies within our minds.
*edit*
I'm having a beautiful baby boy. He is my salvation, my existance, my everything.
My life, up until this point, has been nothing but shit.
Nothing but mistakes, misery, self-indulgence, gluttony, selfishness.
I was so lost. Enough so that I brought others down with me.
I was trying too hard to find the answers in the wrong places (like the bottom of a bottle, for example). Trying too hard to find my place in this shit we call reality. I saw everyone else and their interaction with society, and I wanted that very badly; to be able to make small talk with any other individual, to go out and be a part of the world.
But as much as I tried, I always found myself let down by people. If I showed them who I really was, I let my guard down, let them in, and if I were to be shunned, it would be my true self that was being hurt (open wide, look inside -- at my autopsy).
So instead, I turned to my substances to create a false perception, both for me and for the outside world to feast upon.
But I know now. I know where I belong. I know why this misery is so important in existance (why me? what have *I* done to deserve this?).
"Only after disaster can we be ressurected."
If I had not suffered through this which I had brought on myself, I would not be who I am today. I would not know what I know now. I would still be a weak-minded, inferior individual, lost and trembling in the cold depths of their shrouded mind.
I would not have the knowledge to pass on to my Love, my Life, my Entity.
I would not have this capacity for love which I do now (there is a balance in everything; if one is to have a void of love, it can be turned around at any point to become potential love; the longer the void is there, the more love can be held in the end).
Whether any of that made sense or not, this is me.
This is who I am. I am a mother and a daughter, a teacher and a student.
I survived,
I'm alive.
I exist.
And I LOVE MY BABY CAKES MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSEEE. *squeals*
"...If I could, I'd wish it all away
if I thought tomorrow
would take you away.
You're my peace of mind, my home, my center
I'm just tryin' to hold on -- one more day..."
Demand OTEP
http://eventful.com/performers/P0-001-000003447-7/...
