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I am here for Friends

About Me


Make your own banner at MyBannerMaker.com!American Dream About me, about you About the way our American hearts beat way down in the bottom of our chests About that special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts Maybe below the cockles, Maybe in the sub cockle area, Maybe in the liver, maybe in the kidneys, Maybe even in the colon, we dont knowIm just a regular Joe, with a regular job Im your average white, suburbanized slob I like football and porno and books about war I got an average house, with a nice hardwood floor My wife and my job, my kids and my car My feet on my table, and a Cuban cigarBut sometimes that just aint enough to keep a man like me interested (oh no, no way, uh uh) No I gotta go out and have fun at someone elses expense (woah yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah) I drive really slow in the ultra fast lane While people behind me are going insaneI use public toilets and I piss on the seat I walk around in the summer time saying "how about this heat?"Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces While handicapped people make handicapped facesIm an assholeYou know what Im gonna do Im gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac Eldorado convertible Hot pink, with whale skin hubcaps And all leather cow interior And big brown baby seal eyes for head lights (yeah) And Im gonna drive in that baby at 115 miles per hour Gettin' 1 mile per gallon, Sucking down Quarter Pounder cheeseburgers from McDonalds In the old fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers And when Im done sucking down those greeseball burgers Im gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag And then Im gonna toss the styrofoam containers right out the side And there aint a goddamn thing anybody can do about it You know why, because weve got the bombs, thats why 2 words, nuclear fucking weapons, OK? Russia, Germany, Romania, they can have all the democracy they want They can have a big democracy cakewalk Right through the middle of Tiananmen Square and it wont make a lick of difference Because weve got the bombs, OK? John Wayne's not dead, hes frozen, and as soon as we find a cure for cancer Were gonna thaw out the duke and hes gonna be pretty pissed off You know why, Have you ever taken a cold shower, well multiply that by 15 million times Thats how pissed off the dukes gonna be! I'm gonna get the Duke, and John Cassavetes, and Lee Marvin, and Sam Peckinpah, and a case of whiskey, and drive down to Texas and say..... IM AN ASSHOLE....IM AN ASSHOLE...IM AN ASSHOLE

My Interests

I'd like to meet:


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I dont know who i wold like to meet. Dave Matthews and his band would be #1. Shirley Phelps I would love to meet so i could argue with her and run every christian theory she has into the ground. The Idiot who decided we had to pay for parking in Coolidge Park. The dumb ass who wrote the movie city of angles. (he needs a slap in the face) and the writer of dumb and dumber cause he needs a hug. All of Pink Floyd and Captain Jack Sparrow! oh and

My Blog

Ladies...This One Is For You! Get The Man You Want

Lets face it women, Most of you are Mean as hell. Because of that, most of you like to have the upper hand in any relationship. Most of the time thats not easy because men are usually much stronger, ...
Posted by on Sun, 02 Aug 2009 15:49:00 GMT

I'm Sick And Tired of The "Pandemic of the Obese"

Everyday, I hear more and more people talking about how fat there getting.  I am getting to the point where I am going to have to say that this so called pandemic of the obese is getting way out of ...
Posted by on Sun, 19 Jul 2009 16:14:00 GMT

The Day Before July 4th

Take a deep breath.  You smell that?  That salty sea smell.  Its kinda tart yet palatable with just a touch of burial fluid.  Yes, it is the smell of cum and regret,...
Posted by on Fri, 03 Jul 2009 13:24:00 GMT

Happy July 4th!

Well Happy Fourth of July!  I know its been a real long time.  Ive been having trouble getting my thoughts together on what to post, and with a new job and the dying economy, well I hav...
Posted by on Wed, 01 Jul 2009 13:59:00 GMT

The Madness of Flavored Beer Has Got To Go

First of two 30 second videos...watch The summer is coming upon us once again. In the future I see crippling hangovers That I will never forget, and waking up in an overflowing tub at 6 ...
Posted by on Mon, 30 Mar 2009 12:24:00 GMT

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY...WHY WE AMERICANS LOVE IT

Ah, the day is here, where we all spend an entire day at a bar or at a friends house, where you end up getting drunk an hour after you get started, end up talking about the Lego pieces of life with yo...
Posted by on Mon, 16 Mar 2009 18:25:00 GMT

Pissing Everyone off, Not really Caring!!!

Real quickly let me tell you what is going on. Currently, I am under the influence of one Adderall, two jumbo cups of coffee, and I have a back up of 2 finely chopped No-Doz pills, to be administered ...
Posted by on Tue, 24 Feb 2009 14:37:00 GMT

3rd Year Anniversery of Anna Nicole Smiths Death

On February 8th 2007 We lost a very important icon in America. Anna Nicole Smith left us to go and be in that great big nuthouse in the sky. If I had been asked to write her obituary I would have expl...
Posted by on Fri, 13 Feb 2009 17:23:00 GMT

2 Weeks To Valentines Day...Why Cant it Be Easier?

In the next few weeks, there will be this holiday we call Valentines Day. For a few of us, this day means spending a nice time at our pad with our soul mate, a bottle of fine wine, a fury blanket, ...
Posted by on Tue, 03 Feb 2009 16:18:00 GMT

I Get MLK Day Off For What?!?!?!

America has been celebrating Martin Luther King Jr. Day for thousands of years. His contributions to civil rights, folk music, and robotics stand as an inspiration to us all whether Black, Canadian, J...
Posted by on Sat, 17 Jan 2009 18:53:00 GMT