Chuck Norris

1. When a tsunami happens, it’s because Chuck Norris has been swimming laps in the ocean. 2. Chuck Norris poops light sabers. 3. Chuck Norris clips his toenails with a chain saw. But he holds it backwards. 4. Chuck Norris likes his coffee like he likes his women: ground up, packed in a burlap sack, and thrown over the back of a donkey. 5. Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Chuck Norris threw it. 6. Chuck Norris’s belly button is actually a power outlet. 7. Camels have a hump because Chuck Norris needed a place to store his kills. 8. Chuck Norris has a beautiful singing voice. Unfortunately, the sound of it would melt the average human brain. 9. Chuck Norris has a pet kitten - every night for a snack. 10. On his birthday, Chuck Norris blows out his candles by blinking. 11. Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris. 12. When Chuck Norris vomits, wealthy people scavenge it for food. Too bad for them Chuck Norris never vomits. 13. If Chuck Norris were a ballet dancer, he’d strangle you gracefully with his tutu. And then himself. 14. Chuck Norris graduated from school with a degree in Chuck Norris. 15. Our founding fathers originally decreed a strict separation between Chuck Norris and state. Chuck Norris eliminated them. 16. The only thing Chuck Norris fears is Chuck Norris. 17. Chuck Norris uses staples as hair gel. 18. Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them. 19. Even Chuck Norris can’t believe nobody Chuck Norrised this guy a long time ago.