JUST TRYIN TO PLAY MY CARDS RIGHT

I RECENTLY LOST TWO PEOPLE THAT WERE CLOSE TO ME. MY SIS ASHLEY AND MY HOMEBOT MAC(TYRONE) FROM ST LOUIS. iM TAKIN THIER LOSS PRETTY HARD BE CUZZ AT THIS PRESENT TIME MY HEALTH ISNT GOOD. SO iT REALLY MADE ME WORRY A LOT ABOUT LIFE AND DEATH AND HAVING MY SHIT IN ORDER IF ANYTHING Happened to me all of a sudden. These people who passed were good people and i know they r in a better place. is it wierd that sometimes i get jealous of that. My life is pretty tough. Not just relieing on my family to give me a kidney. its just tough in general. I wanna take the time to thank everone that ever helped me in any way , be it give me some good advise or just giving me a shoulder to lean on when life was gettin the best of me. Thank YOU and i love you and i hope is was ther for u in return. I ve been prAYING A LOT LATELY FOR ALL OR THE WRONG IVE DONE IN MY LIFE AND ASKING FOR GOD TO FORGIVE ME FOR THAT. sOMETIMS I EVEN TRY TO EXPLAIN TO HIM THAT IM LOST RIGHT NOW AND I NEED HEM TO HELP ME FIND A NEW WAY. i HOPE HE HEarS ME BECUSE I REALLY DO TRY TO CHANGE. I REALLY DO. My biggest fear is for my children to follow in my footsteps. I sty searching for ways to set a better example.I WILL. ITS JUST TAKING ME LONGER THAN I EXPECTED. DONT KNOW WHY I SAT DOWN TO LAY THIS ALL OUT TONIGHT....... guess i had a lot on my mind and no one to vent to. Ive recently dealT with a lot of baCK STABBING LATELY. PEOPLE HAVE BEEN ABANDONING SHIP LIKE THE TITANIC ALL MY LIFE. SEEMS LIKE WHEN UR ALL USED UP, THEY TURN ON U. TO THESE PEOPLE I WANNA SAY...... IF UR NOT FUCCIN WIT ME WHEN IM ALIVE..... DONT FUCKIN COME TO MY FURNERAL..... AND I MEAN THAT FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART. I FEEL IVE SACRAFICED ENOUGH OF MYSELF TO FRIENDS, FAMILY, AND HOMIES FROM MY SET, TO BE ABLE TO PUSH A LINE ON THAT. SO when DOOM DAY COMES..... IF U LOVED ME AND STAYED BY ME, PUSH THAT LINE FOR ME. I DONT WANT NO IMPOSTERS, FAKES, OR PHONIE ASS NIGGAS OR BITCHES STARIN DOWN AT me in MY CASKET. SO IF U AINT CALLIN ME , CHECKIN ON ME, TALKIN SHIT TO ME, OR tryin to put a smile on my face..... IM TALKIN TO YOU!!! ill finish this later...1 love<