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“Hi, my name is Bob Ikena I have FA (Friedreich’s Ataxia) and I’m the hardest working male porn star in the business. I also have the biggest Minnie missile”.

http://www.backrivercatfish.com/

“I was born in a redneck ghetto on a Saturday during four o'clock wrestling. That’s how my Dad remembers. I popped out after the André the Giant, Big John stud cut your hair match - that was when André got double-teamed and had his head shaved, in July o 1978. It was an auspicious beginning.”

http://www.backrivercatfish.com/

“I was in Boy Scouts for six weeks - when I was eight. I did not get to make a soap box car - so I quit. I started Karate soon after - at a joint called Kim’s in Dundalk. I stopped before I got my first black belt - because they would not let me break a board with my head. At that point, I realized my true calling was water ballet.”

http://www.backrivercatfish.com/

“In seventh grade, I remember my art teacher did not like my stuff; she wouldn't hang it up in the classroom. I got mad and did not want to do art anymore. I didn't take any art classes, so I decided to explore my passion for the choral arts.”

http://www.backrivercatfish.com/

“In high school I didn't take any art for two years. A bunch of people I knew were taking it - and I had to do it too. I’m the type of guy who'd jump off a bridge if everyone else did it. Then I took one class and I kinda liked it. So I decided that this is what I wanted to do. I enrolled in a photography class in the spring. I didn't do so well in that at first - and the Institute said I was too commercial.”

http://www.backrivercatfish.com/

“The summer of '95 it was time for me to find out how I felt about the art community I wanted to join. I took photography and computers at the Institute - the Maryland Institute College of Art of cores. I overwhelmed the student body with my intense machismo. And as a result was given one of their most respected jobs - toilet cleaner.”

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“I decided to return to high school and graduate.”

http://www.backrivercatfish.com/

“I got abducted by aliens and despite the rectum probe; I survived and returned to Earth.”

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“I started going to the Institute in ’96. The first year is foundation - which everyone basically does. That year - I took a photo class and discovered the WAWA off the light rail near Robert E. Lee Park. In case you don't know, he was a general in the Confederate Army during the Civil War.”

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“The second year is when I got into 'controversial' subject matter - which nobody I knew was doing at that time. I photographed that part of Baltimore St. known as 'The Block!' I met a lot of strippers and the weird part is that my friend hates when I go in those places - because they still know my name. I even wrote a play my third year their - titled ' Where Everybody Knows My Name.' It was the whacked out versions of all that stuff I just described.”

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“Then I went to the ‘Big Apple!’ I ate lunch and listened to Radio Head. People heard me on the Howard Stern show - which is the best radio/television show in the world. It’s even better than WWF - because the Ikena said so! I fought Superman and won! He was no match for my kryptonitesque wit and humor. While there - at the suggestion of Al Sharpton. Giuliani decided to rename the most famous statue in the world to 'Liberty Bob!' Also - I met WWF's Sable. She put me in a headlock and I enjoyed it! Her good lovin' brought back my mojo which had been strangely absent since my interview with Stern.”

http://www.backrivercatfish.com/

“My last year - I had almost completed my plan of world domination - because I am an evil mofo. I hung out with a lesbian and went to a lesbian bar. I had a Heini and went to a Cher concert in NYC dressed as a chick. My friend Sal got outta jail, and my machismo oozed at the Fells Point Festival. I made a movie about 'Bob Art' - because isn't that what it's all about?”

http://www.backrivercatfish.com/

“Now that I’m out of college not to much has happened – except I went to Vegas and got in a shout-out with a Mafioso wanna-be, and I did stand-up for the president and his Bush. I got back on Stern, won a date with a ‘Porn Star’ – but the bitch wouldn’t putout! So I dumped her fat ass and got a hooker. I made a movie about nothing, Pepsi - and my cat, Cat. I also made a movie – about living my cowboy dreams as I journey through life in Houston - and I had a handicapped love story – with this chick named Clare.”

http://www.backrivercatfish.com/

“I also had some cake – and a job interview next week. I have a Bookie, and conveniently ho hem 10 grand. My Bookie says he’ll break my Girl friends lags, if I don’t give hem the money. I don’t have a Girl friend, so what is that chicken shit MF-er going to do? Right…”

http://www.backrivercatfish.com/

“So, that’s my story – and if you don’t like it, go fuck you’re self!"

http://www.backrivercatfish.com/