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Also a huge part of me is 3 things, that Iam very passionate about. I am in recovery for an Eating Disorder,(ED) Self Injury (SI) and Borderline personality Disorder (BPD). For those who know nothing about these three things.. Ed...anorexia, absence of eating. Bulimia forcing self to get rid of food by puking. I use to Starve, puke, binge, take any diet or energy pills, i would take laxitives anything to help me loose weight and gain some kind of control over my illness, my life.. Ed is an emotionaal weight loss disorder. I started at the age of 17 years old. i went to get help at the age of 23 years old.. My illness was on hold untill 2006. I went for help again in Oct 2007. Living with Ed is horrible I wish this on no one. Its like having this other person in your head telling you that you deserve nothing good in your life, friends, family, school, children, money, love, respect, life, joy, and happiness. Only way to be happy or a good moral person is to be skinny. You are pretty much a fucked up person and that you just need to starve yourself to death thats all you deserve is death................................. With SI Or SIV self injry or self inflited violence. intentional harm of ones own body. with conscious suicidal intent, cutting burning excessive nail biting, pulling hair, hittng yourself, brusing your body, interfering with wounds,and scab are a few ways. Si is used as a method of coping, a short term fix. I started in 2006. Did it for 2 years... I have not cut in 9months (as of June 09). When I explain SI to people its like this.. When you feel like you are about to explode with sooooooo much pain thats traped inside, you have no way of getting it out no way to cope.. you feel like your all alone.. so for me.. I felt 2 things when I would cut. one is to release the pain...i felt like I had to cut my skin to release what ever pain I had in me. Second is away of punishment to myself for all the fuck ups I had done in my life.......................... BPD is a mental illness, a psychological edge. symotoms of BPD.. can briefly summarized as instability in mood, thinking, behavior, personal relations, self image, you feel incomplete, lack of solid core, one minute your attached to others, nexted your trying to break away. emotional hemophilia.. I feel like I had signs of when I was like 12years old.. For the first time in my life I have answers to the way I have feeling, acting, and thinking all my life.. Bpd to me is like having surgar.. I feel more and more comfortable when I talk more about it. I need to learn how to control my illness and life will be so much better... My recovery has been well worth it.. some of the things that have helped me along the way.. and may help you.. Pray... God.. tratment, meds, buliting self esteem, buliting self image, letting of of all negitive people, events and past. Finding out and dealing with my core problem. Setting boundries with people and with me. 12 step program, challenging my twisted t hinking and emotions. Learning to cope in a postive and healthier way. support groups, and finding good honest loyal friends and family to support you also.. Reading, writing, self talk, affirmations, learning from my past, Staying away from drugs, alcohol, figure out reasons for eating is it because of nutrition, habit, boredom,stress, or coping. Healthy eatting. physical activity, and educate yourself with all info you can with your illness. Recovery is a life long road traveled.. It dont matter what your in recovery for. If you want my support and are asking me for advice i would do my best.. but at times im sure i will need your support also. I dont have all the answers to ED, Si, or BPD.. all i can give out is what i have learned and what i have been through... I am not on here to save the world.. i can only save myself...I guess with all that info..I'm done.. if you still what to talk or need support hit me up..Mandy wants you to check out a photo on MySpace in the my pics/fun stuff album
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