/dev/null - ProfilesArchive

About Me

YES!! That's Run DMC on Reading Rainbow!

This is the way it should be.....You should start out dead and get it out of the way. Then, you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy; go collect your pension. Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you get ready for High School. You go to primary school, you become a kid. You play, you have no responsibilities. You become a baby, and then... You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions; central heating, room service on tap, larger quarters every day, and then, you finish off as an orgasm.

My Interests

Hide-and-seek with houseplants. Stealing mannequins from Sears and holding in-house group therepy sessions. Making parachutes out of bedsheets and jumping off curbs. Running with scissors. Ghettos. Loosening the cap on the salt shaker. Laughing at the misfortune of others. Gettin' down wit my homies. Midgets. Corona with lime. Virtually any music genre but Country. Popeye's Chicken. Michael Jackson impersonators. Really strong coffee. Karaoke. LOTS of karaoke. Almost any kind of cheese. Things that remind me of my childhood.

My Blog

Don’t eat Burger King’s "Cheesy Tots."

Rather, they should be called "Cheese-flavored Ass-bites."Seriously, I ordered them (for $1.39, mind you) because it looked like there was hot cheese whiz-type stuff dripping out of a greasy deep-frie...
Posted by /dev/null on Thu, 07 Feb 2008 02:28:00 PST

Kicker Checks -- Greatest Scam of All

How's this one for a laugh? The Oregon government cannot explain how people's kicker checks were diverted to the education. Will they blame it on electronic filing? Computer error? Or mayb...
Posted by /dev/null on Fri, 21 Dec 2007 06:45:00 PST

Bouble Beef Cheeseburgers are for Asshold.

Samantha, I'm suspending your title of Grammar Nazi until further notice.I'm sorry, it had to be done.[16:40] teh love machine: oh dude, have you tried the sirloin...
Posted by /dev/null on Mon, 09 Jul 2007 08:24:00 PST

I think I peed a little...

I know I get mistaken for Diddy all the time. On the MAX, at the bar, when I'm eating out.I know if I Karaoke'd some Diddy, they'd think it was him in the fucking flesh... ;-)Who would you add ...
Posted by /dev/null on Sun, 20 May 2007 05:24:00 PST

Little help here...?

If anyone here could tell me the difference (if any) between salsa and pico de gallo, leave a comment about it and I'll put you in my will.Over and out....
Posted by /dev/null on Wed, 24 Jan 2007 03:09:00 PST

Rolex Watches

You know who wears Rolexes? * People from Kansas who win the lottery. * National Sales Directors * College gangsters with rich parents * Old farts who want to remind the world they're succesful ...
Posted by /dev/null on Sat, 09 Dec 2006 12:23:00 PST

Again...

The fastest way to a women's heart is through her head. Talk to her. Communicate. Listen and respond honestly. No games. If you have her intellect, you have her heart....
Posted by /dev/null on Wed, 06 Dec 2006 12:05:00 PST

Preach on it...

This may be the land of liberty, but whatever personal and political freedoms we have are often overruled by the ignorant excercising their own rights/abusing the power that comes with living in a cou...
Posted by /dev/null on Mon, 27 Nov 2006 04:02:00 PST

Papa wasn't a rolling stone, he was just a drunk mothafucka.

If the universe is infinate, there are infinate earths, infinate USA's, and an infinate number of each of us. ...
Posted by /dev/null on Sun, 17 Sep 2006 01:00:00 PST

The Fastest Way To A Woman's Heart

The fastest way to a women's heart is through her head. Talk to her. Communicate. Listen and respond honestly. No games. If you have her intellect, you have her heart.
Posted by /dev/null on Mon, 15 May 2006 11:02:00 PST