Rejectioneers

The rejectioneers are as exactly as they always were; feared by men and greatly desired by women. In this way, you may have noticed, they are very similar to pirates and in fact, two of them were (and still are) pirates, but this is neither here nor there. What's important for you to know, and you must understand it precisely, is this: the rejectioneers have seen the faces of the gods and they have not been found wanting. What follows are their stories:
Ben Walker; While working at a laundry mat, Ben found a suicide note in the pocket of a customer's jacket. Suffice to say, Ben had a tactful intervention with the jacket's owner and is now a hero, but only a super humble one.
Chris Corley; Chris recently gave Caleb this outstanding and noteworthy relationship advice: "Bro...Wrap a dead fish in a nazi flag and give it to her" Chris often smokes his tobacco pipe inside of grocery stores and is frequently asked to leave. A lone grocery cart left in the middle of the dairy isle, full of string cheese and boxed wine, is the only existing evidence of his unappreciated patronage.
Nathan Poole; In high-school Nathan played the euphonium and learned to drive in his grandmother's ford tempo. He frequently considers asking his girlfriend whether or not she has ever had a calf augmentation.
Caleb Weathersby; Caleb is no stranger to his own genius. He has published several articles in "Anthropological Digest" on adolescent female adherence to caffeine in the post war society of Papua New-Guinea under the pseudonym Archippus Erickson. Incidentally, the name Archippus means 'master of the horse'.