DaiSy profile picture

DaiSy

crossing my fingers!

About Me

No man hands here. It’s safe to say that my hands feel like a woman’s hands, not "Jose" your local mechanic. I have all my teeth, so no worries about any dentures falling into your eight-dollar Red Bull vodka. I’m bilingual, and will probably talk shit about you in that “other” language. I have two working eyes, but sometimes four. On occasion, I’ll wear a trendy eye patch. I piss excellence. I have ten fingers, ten toes, and two nipples. I don’t have any extras or webbed toes. I have a pair of respectable butt cheeks; it’s not a porn star pair of ass cheeks, just respectable. I can assure you it hasn’t a) gotten stuck in a doorframe, b) smashed by a desk chair, or c) recently knocked a midget unconscious. I was raised with good morals and values. And on occasion, I like to dabble in the finer things in life such as sex, drugs, and alcohol. Pump.

My Interests

ALL THE THINGS I LIKE ARE ILLEGAL, IMMORAL, OR FATTENING

SHOE WHORE!

I'd like to meet:

Anyone with 2 working legs. I will accept one leg, but be aware, I will challenge you to an ass-kicking contest. Winner takes all motha-fucka! No wooden pegs, please.

Oh, and Jesus, but only if he's wearing a tuxedo t-shirt.

Caution: if you upset me, I'll smack upside your head with a burrito.

Word to your mother.

Music:

SOME OF THE STUFF YOU CAN FIND ON MY iPOD:

RED HOT CHILLI PEPPERS, The Cranberries, 5a Estacion, Green Day, Norah Jones, Too Short, Ozomatli, ColdPlay, Banda el Recodo, any "oldie but goodie," The Beatles, MANA, Maroon 5, Los Tucanes de Tijuana, Jay-Z, Justin Timberlake, The Bee Gees, Nelly Furtado...

hopefully you catch the drift.

SAY NO TO COUNTRY!

Movies:

I'm a sucker for WILL FERRELL and, OMG, VINCE VANGHN!!! old school, taladega nights, blades of glory
also love:
300, troy, running scared, the majestic, knocked up, superbad

Television:

I get the crazies if I've gone too long with out watching Family Guy. Whoever doesn't want peanut butter jelly time belongs in a tree because you're nuts!

I'm also addicted to really really bad reality tv shows.

Books:

"My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands" by Chelsea Handler. "Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea" (again) by Chelsea Handler. "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell" by Tucker Max.

Heroes:

optimus prime, chelsea handler, tucker max, @ lisa lampanelli