in a town where passion is as abundant as jacked up black trucks and pilsners, complete with the douchebags that polish the image, it's not surprising something as sweetly shitty as ember was formed.
Chapter 1: way sweeter than 100 men.
one day, there was a glorious sunset. sir bryce-a-little and grantopolous the great were sitting in a field after armed combat with living skeletons while listening to dimmu borgir's new album, when we decided that hell, if we can slay an army of undead with maces and morning stars, why couldn't we write songs about it? so our quest began.
Chapter 2: Novak
they knew of a valiant warrior with a broadsword the size of a toothpick that could kill you 12 ways before you hit the ground, that went by the name of novakanius afrodimerus, and lived in a tower that grew miles above the middle of the southwest portion of the pacific ocean. so they immediately climbed on the back of a mexican luchador boar and rode it's razor back underwater with the help of a spell from an evil sorceress who was slain and dropped an enchanted ring. once there, they were forced into mortal kombat with motaro. everyone knows you can't beat motaro, because he can teleport and swing a metal tail, so the brave knights valiantly lifted their assault rifles and quelled the tides of evil. once inside, they fought their way up a winding staircase made of the pubic manes of 1,000,000 minotaurs and found novakanius sitting upon his "throne" crunching a fat loaf. after his shit, he joined their party and the quest continued.
Chapter 3: Mike
in the town of lit-burning-but-never-smoked-cigarettes, the party was drinking saki in a tavern with halflings and overheard a barwench speak of a man who weilded the drumsticks of a dragon with incredible furvor. grantopolous the great decided the fellows could use anyone who carried old rotting dragon meat to freshen the smell at camp a little, so once more, the tough titted three set off. after crossing the bridge from monty python and answering a really difficult question about some birds and a coconut, inventing the lightbulb, and fighting righteously for the rights of maiden-equality, they arrived at the sky palace of mika-lika-ding-dong, which turned out to just be a fishing boat suspended from the gallows. between the three warriors and the goal of getting mike to come down from his canoe, was.... a gargantuan living mountain that went by the name of "tooellohseeolla". which coincidentally looked like a giant 2 litre of cola. they shook it up, and tossed it off the roof of pizza hut watching it rocket into it's impending ultimate distruction on the speedy glass sign. it expoded, and mika-lika-ding-dong-ditch the drumstick drummer hopped down to see what the racket was, ironically hanging himself on the gallows. chuck norris brought him back to life, and then roundhouse kicked him dead again. chuck norris left. too bad mika wasn't mortal. he joined.
Chapter 4: Doug
in the blink of an eye, as quick as the quest started, the entire setting and backround of the story changed. colochuck, professor g, mikecrawler, and novlerine were magically transported by the fairy of random changes of stuff to the universe of the x-men. magneto joined too so he could do that cool trick where he throws cars, and cause he's got a sweet purple outfit. they were walking down that street from the movie, and magneto, believe it or not, tossed some cars, on top of a pile of buddhist monks racing along a giant crucifix. that was a little unfortunate, but pressing on, they broke into the armored vehicle that supposedly contained the great beast known as the douggernaught, renouned amongst great scholars for his strong shoulder blades. opening the door and finding only a painted blue hot chick doing nasty things with cucumbers, and almost leaving dissapointed, the being transformed immediately into a big dude. everyone got high. the end.
oh wait, i mean...
we're passionate about music and want to change everything we see wrong with the bad stuff. if you listen to our music, you can identify with our world-changing views on politics and parents that grounded their kids too much. we started out as a band, and are a band. seriously, who gives a fuck? did anybody read that shit? no. does anyone read the stupid ass stuff people put in their bios? no.
- You want this Banner? I dont care if you dont. put it on your fucking page.
- You want this Banner? I dont care if you dont. put it on your fucking page.