Bruster McAdams a.k.a. Love Commando

Just a one day at a time fellow that takes things(I think you know what I mean;)) as they come at me. Once in awhile I'll take the weight off my shoulders and take a breather; knock back a few cold frosty brewsters until I hurl! Sit back and enjoy an episode of 'Growing Pains', and call it a night. I enjoy a big bowl of cereal in the morning and taking steaming hot shits; put those two together and I'm one happy man. I love romantic-comedies and smoking crystal-meth. Red is my favorite color because it clouds my thoughts with lust and hellfires of Satan. All my life I have dreamed to impregnate a Mexican chick, preferably a 15 year old virgin. I wouldn't call myself a bed-wetter but, some nights I'll wake up to find my pajamas drenched in a disgusting warm puddle of urine and semen. Someday I want to move to El Monte and raise a family. I like going to Denny's in the evenings and getting wired as I scarf down Grand Slams until nightfall; hit the streets and slam brewsters as I try to pick up some ass-candy and give the honey's ecstasy instead of aspirin. Then we hit the clubs and I make a complete mockery of myself. On those lazy days I love to sit back in the kiddy pool and slurp on some tallboys with the hose left on to flood out the piss. I have a premium membership at Sam's Club and I feel sorry for anyone who doesn't. I used to have a job at Dairy Queen until I got booted for leaving human waste in one of the ice cream tubs. I plan to get out there one of these days... maybe find a job at a law firm or gas station. At least twice a week I have unbearable nightmares; once I jumped out of bed and ran out the front door shouting obscenities then dove over the hedges into a pile of dog shit. I love a good matinee every now and then but, I always trip over someone's leg and fall over on somebody in the other row which leaves me with the uncontrollable urge to beat the shit out of the person closest to me. Throwing tailgate parties is a thing of mine whenever the guys decide to get up off there ass's and go to the Dodgers' games with me; hot dogs, hamburgers, Budweiser's, lines off the dashboard, King Cobra and Lynard Skynard... but one of us usually ends up loosing our ticket and we start kicking each other's ass and just go home hurt. On my birthday's I like hanging out with the gang and getting shit-faced then blowing money at the local Chuck E. Cheese's where we all bring our own flask; we top it off with a game of skiball then swipe a handfull of tickets from one of the mexican kids and take off, only to wait in the parking lot until the kid comes out and burn the tickets in front of his eyes. I'm not worried about the 3 strikes law because 3 is my lucky number and... 3rd times the charm... right? I'm a big wine and dine kind of fellow; the next broad who gets the privelage of going out on a date with me will be treated to a fine meal at Round Table Pizza. My ideal date would be a bucket of fried chicken sitting on top of the South Gate water tower, sippin' on some ice cold Steel Reserve, slappin' some white ass, talkin' dirty to some filthy city scum, licking some white ass, go for a joy ride and hit the drive thru for some jr. bacon chedder burgers, forcibly insert my penis inside the female, go home to my shambled homestead and call it a night. I like my pillows soft and my dicks hard. I'm an active sperm donor because truth be told, I just like beating off. I can't pass up a bargain, which is why I love to shop at K-Mart; if that blessed store ever went bankrupt I would shed tears because that's where I go to feel alive! I'll challenge aneone to a game of scrabble aneday b'cause I'm an exelent spealer. During those wild party summer days, me and the guys like to fill up a cooler with some Steel Reserve and Keystone, light up the B-B-Que and chow down on some camel ribs and hog's foot; since we have these little shindigs at the local park, no one likes to bring plates, so we just dump all the hog's foot and rooster neck in a trough. I'm not gonna lie; we feast like filthy hogs with no sense of dignity or hope. Let me tell you, those paper towels don't go to waste. Afterwards, me and the gang usually engage in a game of frisbee tag while pounding some ice cold beers...oh shit! We always agree on 'tag', but after pounding brews, it just ends up in a 'win or destroy' game of relentless skull crackin' blows and knee-bending dives. After that, you know for damn sure we sleep good! Except for me, however, I'm a speed addict; in case you didn't know. I once got arrested for prowling the city of El Monte looking for young white ass. It turns out the general public frowns on that sort of thing. But, when life gives you lemons you might as well make lemonade! Under age or not, my lemons are always ripe!