When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for me.I don't read books. I stare them down until I get the information I want.There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures I has allowed to live.Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with me.I do not sleep. I wait.I am currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for my left and right legs.I am the reason why Waldo is hiding.I counted to infinity - twice.There is no chin behind my beard. There is only another fist.When I do a pushup, I ain't lifting me up, I'm pushing the Earth down.I am so fast, I can run around the world and punch myself in the back of the head.My hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.I can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.I don't wear a watch, I decides what time it is.I gave Mona Lisa that smile.I can slam a revolving door.I do not get frostbite. I bite frostRemember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
I don't go to the bathroom, the bathroom goes to me.
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