In a perfect world there would be no depression, no pain, no suffering, not even death or loneliness. But there comes a day when we all realize this is not and never will be a perfect world. So knowing that perfection isn't an option we have to learn to be at peace and enjoy the life we are given through good times and more importantly through the hard times. My mother has taught me no matter how hard times get and how lost you feel nothing can separate you from the love of God. Then again i also know that being a Christian does not take away our loneliness. We are all human and we all feel pain. In this past year i have learned that sometimes emptiness has to come first before we can be truly fulfilled. "Our loneliness reveals to us an inner emptiness that can be destructive when misunderstood, but filled with promise for him who can tolerate its sweet pain." Henri Nouwen. I know from experience that sometimes that terrible feeling of loneliness becomes so profound you can barely function, its all you can think about it, it consumes your life. And i have finally come to realize that God doesn't do this to torture us. We are all meant to be incomplete at some point in our lives, it pushes us towards others with similar needs who were meant to be part of our lives. It is sometimes impossible to believe that everything happens for a reason when life can be so cruel and unkind. But sometimes we just have to keep our faith in knowing that God is working in all circumstances of our life, good and bad. Painful events in our lives drive us to be compassionate to others in pain. In the world we live in today compassion can be a hard thing to come by, so I believe there are certain special people who are already chosen to make this world a warmer and kinder place. I miss my mother everyday, but I really believe she was sent here by God as one of his angels. It was her time to go back to heaven because her purpose was complete. She showed all of us the true meaning of courage, strength, compassion, faith and unconditional love. I can only hope to live my life the way she would have wanted and make her proud. One thing I know is this life is too short to let the small things bother you, you have to live your life like everyday is your last because you never know when that day will be. The people in my life right now are in my life for a reason and i am going to make sure they all know how much I love and appreciate them because this life is unpredictable and you never know if there is going to be a tomorrow. I know now to tell my loved ones everyday that I love them. And as for my enemies or the people who try to hurt me...I don't hate you. I don't hate anyone. I have to realize that there is always going to be jealousy and hate in the world but i dont have to be a part of it. And I can only hope for people to see that isnt the answer. Hurting others isn't going to get you what you want, in the end you will only end up hurting yourself. Hate never has or never will bring love. As i grow up i feel like i am becoming more and more like my mother and even though she is gone i am still learning from her love every single day...because i honestly believe i was blessed by her...Her laugh was contagious her eyes were as bright as the sun and her power to love was no other than an act of God. I can sit here today and say with no doubt in my mind I truly was touched by an angel.
now to my other angel...eric.after my mom passed away i never thought i would find another human being that had the qualities that she did.the qualities of a higher being. and then i met you.i am the luckiest person in the world to have been blessed with not only one but two people in my life that are like no other.you push me to be a better person.to make the right decisions even when i know that it will be hard.instead of taking the easy way out. you make me realize that love really does exist.and when its true love its unconditional.and you have given me that. you make me believe in faith and hope and prayers. you make me see the good in myself when at times is barely recognizable. this life is so unfair and so hard and sometimes things happen that are only known by god. i know i dont make things easy for you and yet you still find a way to mke me feel like everything will be ok one day.most people would have turned around and walked away never looking back by now.but for some reason you are still here.i cant fix what i have broken but i just want you to know that all you have done for me has not gone unappreciated.i love you and im sorry that ive made mistakes that cant be taken back.im sorry that i hurt you when all you have done is love me.when you said through thick and thin you meant it.and i hope one day i can repay you instead of hurt you.i love you and i will spend forever trying to show you how sorry i am.i love you and i will thank god everyday for giving me the chance to yet again be touched by an angel.
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