About Me
This is The Church of Lushotology and we urge you to join our religion. No more drinking and regretting, get drunk, have fun, and have less guilt.
The Church's motto is "Less Guilt, More Booze." We believe that an evil alien, Penu, put a spell on all humans to make them experience guilt whilst partying. To rid ourselves of this guilt, we aspire to reaching the highest level of intoxication through the ingestion of a substance known as "drink". We believe that, if we consume enough "drink", we will reach an exalted state known as "drunkenness", which, according to those who have reached this level, is next to godliness.
The Church of Lushotology believes you must go through levels or as they call it "tolerance levels" to achieve thise highest plain. There are 13 "tolerance levels" or 13 steps to achieve total "unclear", or "drunkeness."
The controversial Church was established in 1981 by romance novel writer Hal Don Burre. Known mainly as the man that introduced Liza Minnelli to the Pet Shop Boys., he was intrigued on how non toxic human beings are. Yes there was pollution and poisonous fast food but to be 100% toxic was the only way to live on this planet. It is a planed filled with toxins and waste, so why not join it? He was lunching with famed artist Patrick Nagel when he ordered a drink. He had no idea what to order because all the liquors looked so yummy and delicious, so he told the bartender to just pour all the liquors into one glass, thus inventing the "Long Island Iced Tea." A drink that found the author, now an inventor and soon to be the pope of his new found Church "Lushotology." It was then in his drunk induced coma that he envisioned his Church and wrote the bestseller "Intoxication is Intoxicating", the Church's bible. In the book it shows that you can be successful and drink at the same time. Although the Church is very controversial it has many famous celebrity members such as Jane Wiedlin of the Go-Go's, Fat Mike from NOFX, Tre Cool of Green Day and of course The Network A high-ranking Lushotologist, Dr. Artful Svengali, was cured from his game legs through the Church's practices. He discovered that when he was completely drunk he had no need for his leg braces! The Church is always seeking new members and you can get information for the e-mail address below.
So you want to be a lushotologist:
As you know the Network are avid members of the Church of Lushotology and if you were smart will consider our Church. Established in the 1980's by our founder R. Hal Nardubb after a drunken stupor on Long Island Iced Teas he had a vision that changed the lives of many. In his vision (black out) he saw the beginning of the world and also its end. In the beginning the humans were ruled by an evil alien named Penu (pronounced Pee-yoo) that was sober and made the universe not drink of the yummy booze that was readily available. He was overthrown by the people who made Doozebots (who are seen in the network video Joe Robot). These brave robots poisoned the pesky alien and imprisoned Penu in a volcano of farty gasses. But before he was captured he put a booze guilt spell on the masses and made them feel guilty to "party." The Lushotologist creed is to free the people of any guilt from having fun. All religions and cults are our enemies. No one should pay money to join a Church, except for our small 10 dollar fee which includes a T-shirt and a lifetime membership, and a Lushotology Bible (okay so we are hypocrites). There is no reason to pay for salvation. Don't be duped, join us. Just ask many members such as Fat Mike, Jane Wiedlin, the Network, and Liza Minneli, Lushotology is the way to go. Be free, have fun, and party.
So are you ready for the plunge? To go on with your life without that pesky guilt? Well it is time to turn in your chips and to join us. For only ten dollars you get a lifetime membership and a T-shirt. Life is too short and it completely ends after we leave this planet so let's have fun.
To get our shirts, log onto: www.thenetworkband.com
Useful links;
To Purchase a Church of Lushotology T-shirt.
