Heath

So the first thing I remember was I was swimming with a bunch of other guys just like me, and we were having a race, well I faked and asthma attack and when they all turned to check on me I swam ahead to beat them all. The next thing I remember I was being pushed out into a bright light, I was three and they were already puting me to work on my family's dirt farm in Kansas. Of course I just sat there and did trigometric functions in the dirt, and play with my trucks. I was already a red leg, I just didn't realize it yet. Well then when I was twelve we decided to leave the dirt farm in Kansas, and move to a sand farm in Arizona. Farming sand is alot harder than farming dirt, mostly because it was so hot outside, the days would heat up to a blistering 212 degrees, and then cool down at night to 3 degrees below absolute zero. There I met my first true love, a Guinea Pig named Mason. Of course guinea pigs don't live that long - so I eventually found myself heartbroken. I worked as a telephone research interviewer, trying to find out if people thought Diet Dr, Pepper tasted just like regular Dr. Pepper. It does, and with that mission complete I went to THE Arizona State University, where I argued with all the liberals until they finally got sick of me and the kicked me out with a Bachelors degree in Interdisiplinary Studies. Also thanks to my bo staff skills and my computer hacking skillz, I received a commission in the US Army and became a Field Artillery Officer. Of course, there was an accident. They could rebuild me. They have the technology, but they didn't want to spend alot of money, and now live the army life during the day, and as a hermit in a one bedroom shack in the woods at night, pineing away over a lost love, making hats out dead animals I find on the side of the road, saving my toe nail clipings in a jar to enchant my +1 mace.