About Me
Hello, and welcome to my profile(s).
September 8, 1971 to March 21, 2056
People ask me from time to time, how do I do it. And I tell them honestly, I don't know. Why I do it is another matter. That's usually to entertain myself. I've been collecting myself, as Ryan, from all points in space and time for about 35 years now. I've come to the conclusion that neither space nor time exist beyond the immediate and present, which seem to exist despite obvious flaws. Yet often I sit sipping espresso or tobacco while deconstructing the alleged worlds around and within me. Perhaps I'll replace them with something more interesting... more beautiful. Perhaps I already have. A world of my design and a conscious Ryan to appreciate it all. Yeah... so let's recap, shall we?
1. I decided to write and now have over three fifths of my first book completed. Shikido: The Tao of Falling Leaves should hit shelves just after the world ends... maybe by January, 2013. Then I'll work on the children's edition in paperback. Tireless work, I tell you.
2. I decided to pursue nursing as a day job, while I write. I then postponed writing, mostly due to work. A little about me? Sure. My doctorate is in natural medicine and I practice as a complementary physician, but nursing administration is so much cooler. I've also considered a JD with a concentration in Health Policy, an IPhD in Applied Consciousness, an MFA in Creative Writing, and an MAIS in Eastern Languages. And there's still time. It's the brain space I question.
3. I decided to live at home for a little while to be with family prior to my fleeing the country to escape my student loans, the Bush Administration Christian Right, and that perturbed Sicilian family. A few years makes all the difference (circa January 20th, 2009).
4. I had chosen a period of monkhood, in which I did not date or form new romantic relationships. That wasn't enough to keep me out of trouble since I've never really distinguished between romantic and platonic love, but perhaps it helped. More recently, I've transitioned to priesthood, which entails celibacy outside of marriage, but winds do change direction. Since Paris Hilton declared a year of celibacy, I'm having to rethink this.
5. I've been incorporating more brown into my wardrobe (mochas, caramels, cognac, chocolate, and tans). So difficult to accessorize, browns are.
6. I decided to invest further in Japanese language studies, but I've slacked lately. I may also reincorporate Spanish and German for flare and style. I'm getting tired of English.
7. I'm finally archetyping, which is a lot like my previous identity constructs, but with the exceptional difference that I am not building around a hollow core. Constructs, by their nature, are walls. Archetypes, designer though mine has become, are just the opposite. They are incorporating spheres of influence.
8. Beauty, as my highest ideal, has been maintained in all of my choices over the past several years. This is new for me, but I really like it. It's so subjective.
9. I've decided to be a little more pro active in everything. This will require a delicate balance between me and the Tao, since we currently share one vehicle for our aligning goals.
10. And sometimes I feel my poetry betrays me.
With that, what's left to fear? Certainly not fire, retribution or redemption. To be killed or be made stronger is an old idea, indeed. Still, if I had to offer a fear, I suppose my greatest fear would be losing myself again. Oddly enough, this is inevitable if I am following the plot. I'll accept this as a gift that reminds me what is important in my life. You know what's interesting? Yes, this is very interesting. I ponder it often.
When I've been extremely positive and loving, this world has made me very sad. And when I've been extremely negative and malicious, this world has brought me great joy. Now that I am mildly loving and somewhat detached, this world strikes me as both beautiful and insane, perfect in its complexity, one challenge after the next with pauses to catch our breath or glimpse a moment of eternal beauty... a Florida sunset, Seattle's coffee culture, or a clean shot from 1000 yards with cross winds under three clicks.
Ah, it's the little things.
Journal of Applied Ryan, Reflections. Select passages from the Articles of Ryan, 9th Ed. Edictions: A Prospective analysis. Vol. 5, p. 44, December 23, 2004.
AND
A friend of mine recently pointed out that on line profiles are inherently unrealistic, because they serve only to highlight one's positive qualities. While, I'm not entirely sure I've succeeded in doing that myself, it certainly isn't the standard to mention many negatives. Most assume they're there and go about trying to discover what they are. So for the sake of honesty and posterity, to appease my friend, and to edge just that much farther from the norm, I'll mention a few of my less favorable qualities.
I'm a bit moody, though I have learned to stop talking when my internal dialog gets too critical, so this won't always be obvious, unless I've been awake for about 24 hours. I suspect this stems from my sub-optimal diet inducing periods of hypoglycemia, my lack of regular exercise, and my short attention span. My mind tends to wander during conversations, but I can usually pull myself back just in time to answer a question and I can always repeat the last thing you've said.
Sometimes I can be inconsiderate, sometimes impulsive, and sometimes manipulative, but I try to avoid these avenues. I simply don't always succeed. I'm told it has something to do with spider energy. I used to be extremely arrogant. I think I've recovered for the most part, but I haven't yet refined all of my tones of speech. Admittedly, there is still room for improvement, but I am not malicious... anymore.
I've bored easily in the past, prior to the inception of Momoiro Ryu, and I have extremely high standards for those with whom I would spend my time. Mind you, these are standards and not expectations. I don't expect much from anyone other than myself, but I do select my friends based on a formula. This could be considered discriminating or snobbish, depending on how one chooses to look at it. I simply consider time to be precious and I'm not fond of conflict or waste.
So, to recap... I can over-analyze, be too intelligent for my own good at times, basically unhealthy in lifestyle and habits, overweight, addicted to espresso, fond of tobacco, though I don't inhale... tobacco that is... otherwise I inhale and exhale frequently, occasionally insensitive, and at times distracted.
Clearly, I'm not for everyone. However, if we become friends or family, both of whom are chosen, I can promise you two things. The first one is that there will be times when we hurt each other. This is inevitable. I only ask that this never be intentional. The second thing I can promise is that once I give my love, I will never take it back from you or anyone else... regardless of whether I make you the center of my life or we never speak again.
Journal of Applied Ryan, Reflections. Select passages from the Articles of Ryan, 9th Ed. Disclosure: An attempt at congruity. Vol. 6, p. 5, February 11, 2005.
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