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Get Your Own! | View SlideshowI was a MARRIED woman living a single life with a great job my own home 2 kids I adore and a dog named China and when i finally realized I had it all the love of my life my 15 years old son Raland was stolen from me on April 13, 2005. He was murdered by his father the only other person I should have been able to trust with his life. Today I want peace I want happiness and I want Love with MY HUSBAND STEVEN WHOM I LOVE WITH ALL MY HEART WHO LOVES ME BACK WITH JUST AS MUCH PASSION. HE WAS SENT TO ME BY MY ANGEL RALAND WHO REFERRED TO HIM AS THE BIG TEDDY BEAR TO SHOW ME AND DEVON THAT LOVE DOES EXIST AND TO SHOW ME WHAT GIVE AND TAKE REALLY DOES MEAN. HE HAS HELPED MYSELF KNOW WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A RESPONSIBLE MAN. SOMETHING HIS FATHER NEVER WAS. I NEED TO BE HELD UP EMOTIONALLY TIRED OF ALWAYS BEING THE STRONG ONE! NOT INTERESTED IN THE GAMES NOT INTERESTED IN MY FEELING GETTING HURT CUZ IM NOT HAVING IT!! Veangence is mine sayeth the lord!! RKB will get his in Gods time and I pray that God will let me be here to see it.Forever Changed*Can you see the change in me? It may not be so obvious to you I participate in family activities. I attend family reunions.. I help plan holiday meals. You tell me you're glad to see that I don't cry anymore. But I do cry! When everyone has gone - when it is safe- the tears fall. I cry in privacy so my family won't worry. I cry until I am exhausted and can finally sleep. You tell me you admire my strength and my positive attitude. But I am not strong, I feel that I have lost control; and I panic when I think about tomorrow.... next week.... next year. I go about the routine of my job. I complete my assigned tasks. I drink coffee and smile. You tell me you are glad to see I'm "over" the death of my loved one. But I'm not "over" it. If I get over it, I will be the same as before my loved one died. I will never be the same.At times I think I am beginning to heal , but the pain of losing someone I loved so much has left a permanent scar on my heart. I visit my neighbors. You tell me that you're glad to see I'm holding up so well. But I'm not holding up well. Sometimes I want to lock the door and hide from the world. I spend time with my friends, I seem calm and collected. I smile when appropriate. You tell me it's good to see me back to my "old self" But I will never be back to my "old self". Death and grief, have touched my life.... and I am changed forever.