~~It is those babies who demand to be attached who are the most evolved. And it is the most securely attached babies who will have the best chance to be the most resilient adults.~~There is an inherent order in the nature of things, despite the protests of those who suggest that babies must be taught basic human instincts and made compliant for the convenience of adults. Nature never contradicts itself, and we can look to nature when we are confused about how to respond to our children or about making difficult decisions.~~The single most important factor responsible for an infantâ€,,s normal mental and social development is physical holding and carrying. Infants need to be in arms. They know it, and they let us know it.~~Devices such as the plastic infant carrying tray, pacifiers, cribs, and bottles are ways to distance ourselves from our babies, to gain a respite from the intimacy they require for full human development.~~Infants donâ€,,t like to be held only during the day, they like to be close at night, too. Thatâ€,,s human nature. Yet we treat our infants worse than we treat any other humans, or even animals. Under no circumstances would we leave a crying adult, friend or stranger, alone in a room without extending our condolences and offers of help. We pride ourselves on this kind of civility. We sleep with our pets. New puppies and kitties get to come into the bedroom if they cry.~~Just as it is perfectly natural for animals to sleep together in groups, it is perfectly natural for human infants to want to sleep with their parents. All animal babies sleep with their mothers. Over time, human infants teach theirs parents to enjoy touch again.~~DON'T STAND UNMOVING OUTSIDE THE DOOR OF A CRYING BABY WHOSE ONLY DESIRE IS TO TOUCH YOU. GO TO YOUR BABY. GO TO YOUR BABY A MILLION TIMES. Demonstrate to your baby that people can be trusted, that the environment can be trusted, that we live in a benign universe. The crisis of the first year of life is whether to trust or mistrust. Which will your baby learn?~~~~~~snippets from Peggy O'Mara's essay In Their Hands ~~~~~
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