Well, I have had a pretty normal childhood. Few scrapes along the way. Nothing major. Was very honest as a child or so Im told. Im sure i told a few porky's but I musta been good at it. Im not sure. Was an alter boy in church in late childhood but drank some of the alter wine with my friend before doin mass and some other bad stuff.. Probably the first drinks in a long line of drink and drugs and debauchery. I remember as a child of about 7 and 8 I used to get cracked feet. My feet used to get really dry and there would be ridiculous cracks in them all over, that I could not walk properly. It was too painful. Used to spend a lot of nights with feet in salt water bath and crying with the pain saying "why me?" an all that malarchy. That was the first time I really pleaded to God for help. He sorted it out. Doctors are overrated :) I never thanked Him for it as a kid. I just got on with things. I thank Him now, though not always in my actions.
Anyways started drinking at 12, took acid at 13 before I even took a smoke of the ganga if memory serves me and Im lucky its still there I suppose, my memory that is. Me and friends spent most of our teens on drink, drugs and some very bad things we were doin. Some personal things I find very hard to forgive. I just hope He can find it in His heart to. I hit a bad trip around 17, thought I had died and was in a big test for my soul with demons after me from every angle and it was very like a limbo situation (too much to write if I was adding details). I was on acid but I do think that eye opener was put on me because of the way I was going. Had flashbacks of that trip for 6 months after so I did not know was this world real or the other world real. Im still not a 100% sure ;) I was praying for that 6 months coz I was in trouble, same old story. When the flashbacks passed I was hitting the xtc and drink like the new time forgetting all about prayer coz I didnt need it anymore. I just became ignorant again. My parents were seperated a while at this stage mainly down to the old man's drinkin which I pretty much inherited. Hes a cool man now though. He drinks every day but very little weekdays. Anyway, I used to get blackouts on drink and get locked up the odd time for drunken disorderly. Nothing too drastic but it was doing me in, the drink. I was upsetting friends without remembering doing it and I bet I havent been told half the things I have said by most of them. So depression kicked in in my twenties but the drinkin never stopped. I used to snort the coke to ward off the blackouts when I was drinken. It worked sometimes , not others. I just felt more wasted the next day. So I was livin with 1 of my good friends and our lease was up last year. He wanted me to pack in the drink or else he couldnt get a new gaff with me so I got a place in the city last year (still here) and been drinkin on my own mainly. I called it damage limitation coz I had noone to upset except myself. The drink always came first. Kept losing jobs down to the drink also. Well I met this Filipina Christian lady in Y.Messenger. I was kinda drunk I think. It was just before Halloween, she sent me the "Origin of Halloween" in my blog and talked a bit about God and stuff. Nothing too intense. My whole world turned upsidedown. I spent nights hearing, and seeing demonic things and people. It wasnt like the bad trip from years b4. I had the Bible on my chest by my heart constantly saying "Our Father" prayer. When I stopped praying, it would all come back (it was like a switch). I can not put into words or do justice to what was happening to me those nights. Its just impossible but I had to stay awake or else I was I was getting carted off downstairs by the devil. I heard his beastly dog breathing outside my window waiting for me to go to sleep and so many other things. Thats only a tiny thing compared to the total unexplainable stuff that was happening to me. I wont go on coz I cant do it justice. The Filipina lady gave me Psalm 91 to remember and eventually the terror at night was gone. Praise God. The Bible by the way was given to me as a gift by a Nigerian guy I had just met when I started a job in one of the factories. I thought he was mad but I took it not to upset his feelings. Im glad I did now. I was meant to. Its all meant to go the way it goes I believe (His Plan). That dont mean you can just leave it to chance. Gotta follow your own heart. Its very easy to ignore your heart too. Been doin it so long, still do it a bit.
I dont have the audacity to say I have been "Born Again" because Im not off the drink long and I do stumble a lot although I feel I am getting there. I am gonna take more measures to improve myself in His eyes and try to give Him something back because He has been looking out for me all my life. I always felt Him there even when I was ignoring my heart.
Personally, I dont believe there is long left for this Earth. Besides that, any of us could go at any time, (this is the part where I feel like a hypocrite) so its better to embrace Him fully in this short lifetime than risking eternal torment. He is all forgiving if you truly seek Him and spread His Word and His Love. I wont be truly "Born Again" until I fully surrender myself to Him and His commandments. So i am taking a ridiculous risk by taking it the way Im taking it but I just dont know how to fully let go yet. I hope if anyone is reading this, dont do it my way. I have a ways to go yet. I need to feed my head more with His Word and do more work for Him before it sinks fully into this thick head. I pray He gives me the time, Amen.
Have mercy on me and be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am weak, O Lord, heal me, for my bones are troubled. My self is also exceedingly disturbed and troubled. But You, O Lord, how long?UPDATE:The Lord has given me more time than i deserve and i am weaker now , maybe, than when i wrote previous. He has sent so many signs that i turned my eyes from. So obvious that shouldnt be ignored. I have disregarded the signs through my weakness.
Thing is when im right at the bottom, he lifts me again and brings me back. i am a baby, so so weak. cant take care of myself. but when im really down , the Lord comes to town.Thank You my Lord Jesus Christ :)My younger sister is one of His miracles. She was totally gonna end up in jail or dead but the Lord made her a fantastic mother to my nephew. Phew...
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