i am a clown who rides to town in a coffin
"I am the cat that lays kittens in your bed!"
"I am the switch that derails your train!"
"I am the papercut that ruins your morning!"
"I am the jailer who throws away the key!"
"I am the surprise in your cereal box."
"I am the winged scourge that pecks at your nightmares!"
"I am the lollipop that sticks in your hair!"
"I am the rhinestone on the jumpsuit of justice!"
"I am the thing that goes bump in the night!"
"I am the neuroses that requires a $500-an-hour shrink!"
"I am the weirdo who sits next to you on the bus!"
"I am the batteries that are not included!"
"I am the headache in the criminal mind!"
"I am the raspberry seed you can't floss out!"
"I am the fingernail that scrapes the blackboard of your soul!"
"I am the onion that stings in your eye!"
"I am the special news bulletin that interrupts your favorite show!"
"I am the stain that CAN'T be rubbed out!"
"I am the low ratings that cancel your program!"
"I am the auditor that wants to look at your books!"
"I am the slug that slimes your Begonias!"
"I am the bubble gum that sticks in your hair!"
"I am the itch you cannot reach!"
"I am the smoke that smokes Smoked Oysters!"
"I am the ten dollar service charge on all returned checks!"
"I am the fingernail that scrapes across the blackboard of injustice!"
"I am the peanut butter that sticks to the roof of your mouth!"
"I am the cholesterol that clogs your arteries!"
"I am the wrong number that wakes you at 3am!"
"I am the fast food that comes back to haunt you!"
"I am the bug that splatters on your windshield!"
"I am the single career man all women want to date!"
"I am the check writer in the 'Cash Only' line!"
"I am the zit that forms when you've got a really big date!"
"I am the secret center of a cherry candy-pop!"
"I am the electrician who short-circuits the power lines of crime!"
