bye bye beautiful..

www.xanga.com/isah.
I am healing. The closest i have become to content. Im not perfect, there are still days when medication doesnt seem to work and i feel, yet again, like crying my heart out. But nothing a cup of coffee and a stick of yosi wont cure. Yes, I have been trying to quit smoking for the past months although i can never seem to do it. I am taking a break from school, not because i was too pressured from studying, but because i was having too much fun. I am free spirited. I want things my way, but they seldom are. I am loud, some say eccentric. I tend to speak my mind, and most think that there is nothing more beneath, but on the contrary. No one really knows me. My thoughts, i cannot quite verbalize, that is why i write and i write trying to make something out of the jumbled ideas in my head. I find it hard to believe in things, except for peoples words. I guess i can never, ever be like anyone else because ive tried and ive failed. Caged up, maybe for my own good, maybe not. I hate how i am, yet i love it at the same time. I cannot begin to explain how ironic my existence is. Somehow im caught in between, but i find that better than being in safe ground. Id jump off a building just to see how it feels. Dare me, id do anything once. Or maybe twice. I am not afraid of what people think, and some mistake this for disrespect. I call it individuality, honesty. I do not want to conform. I am fighting a losing battle, i know, but i am fighting it anyway. Why? you ask? Because i can.
IS IT A PROBLEM IF I SOUL SEARCH EVERY NIGHT?
hopeless.