The Literary Assassin profile picture

The Literary Assassin

I am here for Dating, Serious Relationships, Friends and Networking

About Me


Beauty fades...dumb is forever!
I am often referred to as an introverted extrovert. Trust me when I say that going through life as a conundrum is not an easy task. It causes me to expend a lot of energy trying to stay logical and orderly and organized. If nothing else, I can make even the most mundane things interesting.
I march through life at war with the world, armed only with my acerbic wit, an insatiable need for truth and honesty, and a penchant for random implosion. Needless to say...the war is not going as well as I had originally hoped. But I will continue to come back every day and fight the good fight, because it is my war and I refuse to wave the white flag. That is just who I am, and the only way I know how to be.
I love individuals but can't stand the majority of people. Mostly, it is because the majority of people can't be bothered to get their own shit together long enough to help out the person next to them when they need a hand.
I think the guy who invented craisins should get a fucking medal!
As far as I'm concerned, there is nothing as unattractive as ignorance.
More often than not, I think pain is a good thing...it reminds you that you are still alive.
I am always looking to have a good time and push the envelope while reminding those around me that the journey is far more important than the destination!

My Interests

Other than your mother? Hmmmmm... I love walking through the snow at night when it is dead quiet, juggling and knife throwing, people watching, asking "why?", making large groups of people lose their minds, running naked through the dark chasing lemmings, fruit certs, Dancin' My Ass Off!!!, Chuck Norris and his roundhouse kicks, MORPG's, time-lapse photography, socialists, fire-spinners, Multi-media production, meeting interesting souls, daydreaming, throwing darts, watching fast-moving clouds from my roof.

I'd like to meet:


To the world, you might just be one person...but to one person, you might just be the world.
I would like to meet anyone with a pulse AND an original thought in their skull that begs to be communicated. If you have a pulse, but no original thought in your skull that begs to be communicated, then you need to leave me alone because you are a sheep and sheep frighten me. If you have no pulse, but an original thought in your skull that begs to be communicated, then you are one of the undead and probably lack the motor skills to articulate a sentence.
I guess I like interesting, thought-provoking folks with something to say. A flare for the sarcastic is an added bonus. If you don't like to laugh or make other people laugh, chances are we won't get along.
YIM -- derwoodman

Music:


Portishead , Black Sabbath , Rage Against the Machine , Tool , Sevendust , Sublime , Radiohead , Billy Joel , Old 70's & 80's jams (Sly, Stevie, P-Funk), 80's & 90's rock (big hair & thrash), Oakenfold , Paul Van Dyk , Hybrid , Junior, Sander Kleinenberg , Erick Morillo , DJ Dan, Hyper, Donald Glaude, Pete Tong, and anyone who makes music that rocks me to the core! I also want to mention that my SIRIUS Satelite radio is the greatest thing invented since sliced bread!

Movies:

Trainspotting, Memento, Heavy Metal, Entropy, Legend, True Romance, PCU, Leaving Las Vegas, Office Space, Highway, Rushmore, Full Metal Jacket, Big Lebowski, Road Trip, Cannonball Run, Midnight Madness, Clerks, Wonderboys, Rounders, Mystery Men, Snatch, Swingers, The Aristocrats, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Hustle & Flow, Happy Gilmore, old John Hughes flicks, and any bad movie with funny, stupid, quotable lines.

Television:

Top Chef, Iron Chef America, Dinner Impossible, Throwdown w/ Bobby Flay, Family Guy, Human Weapon, Weeds, Rescue Me, Robot Chicken, Nip-Tuck, Entourage, Meerkat Manor, Heroes, It's Always Sunny in Philidelphia

Books:

I guess I need to put something other than Catcher in the Rye here ehh? Let's see...Better than Sex, Less than Zero, The Giving Tree, Tao of Pooh, anything by Burroughs, Hunter S. Thompson, Steven Crane, Hemmingway, and modern fiction from George Martin, Robert Jordan, Eddings, Brooks, Feist, Weiss, Hickman

Heroes:

Foamy! Your Lord and Master!!
FOAMY! Your Lord and Master! " height="200" width="300"

My Blog

Notes on the move (02/23/08)

1) I hate packing!   2) I hate moving!   3) I hate packing and moving!   I hope I was able to convey my feelings on the subject properly!   -I honestly don't understand how I move ...
Posted by The Literary Assassin on Sun, 24 Feb 2008 05:12:00 PST

Real Life > E-Life (01/08/08)

Wow it is nice to have shed myself of the albatross / mill stone that has been hanging from my neck for a while now.   I deleted about a 1/2 dozen voice/ text chat programs and a ton of bookmmark...
Posted by The Literary Assassin on Tue, 08 Jan 2008 08:07:00 PST

Merry Xmas to Me (12/26/07)

Well that was a rawkin christmas.  I got a card from my cat's doctor AND one from my mother.  I even got a $25 CVS card.   Wow...rawkin Christmas.
Posted by The Literary Assassin on Wed, 26 Dec 2007 07:03:00 PST

Crispty Crunchity (11/17/07)

Last night I was sitting at the keyboard doing my usual half-assed surfing and typing with the sirius on in the background.  It is what I usualy do...an old habit from being a self-admited Stern ...
Posted by The Literary Assassin on Sun, 18 Nov 2007 09:46:00 PST

Funniest thing evar! (08/13/07)

After going through the hordes and hordes of funny photoshopped things all my friends post all over the place, I think this one takes the cake:     I have cool internet friends....
Posted by The Literary Assassin on Tue, 14 Aug 2007 04:42:00 PST

Memorial Day in Florida (05/30/07)

Seeing as I have all this free time on my hands since the accident, I thought I would throw something up here I like to call "perspective".   Over the last 10 - 15 years I have moved around ALOT,...
Posted by The Literary Assassin on Wed, 30 May 2007 05:27:00 PST

Can you feel the heartbreak? (04/27/07)

For those of you out there who are not N.Y. Jets fans, I wish you could understand my pain as we approach the eve of dissapointment.   As a Jets fan, we love the offseason because it is the only ...
Posted by The Literary Assassin on Fri, 27 Apr 2007 05:29:00 PST

Joy! (04/25/07)

Hopefully George Lucas wont find a way to ruin it a second time!   http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070425/tv_nm/starwars_dc    ...
Posted by The Literary Assassin on Wed, 25 Apr 2007 12:28:00 PST

Rare Form (04/19/07)

Well at least there is one news show out there that DIDN'T lead with Bush on a soapbox milking a photo opportunity, or feeding into the narcisisim of a very dead insane dude:   News Report  ...
Posted by The Literary Assassin on Thu, 19 Apr 2007 05:13:00 PST

School Shooting = Press Opportunities (04/16/07)

For those of you living under a rock...get ready for a public shitstorm and a politicians wet dream:   http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070416/ap_on_re_us/virginia_tec h_shooting   Obviously, I n...
Posted by The Literary Assassin on Mon, 16 Apr 2007 01:21:00 PST