Mario does not make threats he makes predictions.
Crop circles are Mario's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
When Mario goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
Mario once impaled over 40 horses to make what he calls "an authentic" Merry-Go-Round.
Mario invented the wheel. Twice.
Mario inspired the TV series "MacGyver" when he managed to construct a cell phone out of only the blood of his enemies' children, his pure hatred for the weak, and a cell phone.
Mario can get into the secret cow level in the original Diablo.
Mario plays Minesweeper with real mines.
Mario once abducted some aliens and performed experiments on them, but no one believed their story.
Mario accepts both visa and mastercard.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Mario could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Mario coined the phrase "Pardon my French" after picking up a French man and using him like a bat to club people.
Mario thinks in italics.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Mario allows to live.
Mario invented the spanish language because he liked the word "pantalones" and needed a language to use it in context.
Mario's blood type is WD-40.
There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mario prefers to walk.
The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Mario punched himself in the face.
The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Mario and forgot to pay him back.
Mario does not really know HTML, he just copies code from other people's pages.
