Dan - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I'm an American guy living in Germany for a few years. I work hard and play hard. People seem to like me because I am polite and I am rarely late. I enjoy ice cream and a nice pair of slacks. Years later, a doctor will tell me I have an I.Q. of 48 and that I am considered "mentally retarded". I try to eat one healthy thing every week. I have more scars than you, and most of them have a good story behind them. I'm not a big dude, but I can drink more than Jim Belushi. I can spell really well, especially when I am drunk. I have a narrow esophagus, and sometimes I have to hit myself in the chest to dislodge food stuck in my throat. I once defeated Chuck Norris in a bare knuckle boxing match with a well-placed "people's elbow" that totally counteracted the Chuck's (normally fatal) roundhouse kick. I refer to myself in the "3rd person perspective" way too much.... .. MySpace Profile Help!

My Interests

Flying, music, exploring Europe, riding my motorcycle, hanging out with people who don't suck, German wine/beer festivals, drinking more than is safe or reasonable, eating Scooby Doo fruit snacks,writing my name in the snow,defeating Chuck Norris in bare knuckle boxing, etc...

I'd like to meet:

I'd like to meet...your mom...Osama in a dark alley...Jessica Alba....Jessica Alba's mom....Adam Duritz....Conan O'Brien...Josie Moran....Eddie Vedder....Arthur Guinness...anyone whoe doesn't suck at life...

Music:

Rock, alternative, indie, punk.All time favorites: Pearl Jam, Counting Crows, Ryan Adams/Whiskeytown, Elliott Smith, Jack Johnson, Foo Fighters, Beck, Weezer, Social Distortion.These guys aren't too bad either: Death Cab for Cutie, the Killers, Jet, Franz Ferdinand, Modest Mouse, Audioslave, The Replacements, Del Amitri, Damien Jurado, Ringside, Bob Dylan, Kathleen Edwards, 8stops7, Jimmy Eat World, Alien Ant Farm, Athenaeum, The Eels, Guster, JumpLittleChildren, Pete Yorn, Radiohead, Roger Clyne & the Peacemakers...etc

Movies:

All time favorites: Boondock Saints, Braveheart, Kill Bill (V:I&II), Sin City, the Thomas Crown Affair, Super Troopers, Out Cold, Old School, High Fidelity, Gattaca, Office Space, the Shawshank Redemption, Top Gun (I'm not ashamed), Fight Club, Donnie Darko, Ghostbusters.

Television:

Scrubs is the best show on TV. Watch Scrubs. 'Rescue Me' kicks a little ass, too. I also like Discovery Channel shows about monkeys, particularly ones starring the elusive Bonobo. Bonobos are the pirates of the monkey world. God I love those crazy little bonobos... "Who's your bonobo?"

Books:

Favorite book: The Catcher in the Rye. I just read 'I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell' by Tucker Max...turns out I'm not the worst person in the world.. I wrote the Da Vinci Code. Seriously.

Heroes:

Our troops who volunteered to be in harm's way to defend our freedom. And pretty much any pirate. Pirates kick ass. Also, that little kid from "The Wizard". You know, the one who could barely talk or interact with people, but still defeated the guy with the powerglove at the Nintendo Convention in California? He was a way better actor than Fred Savage in that movie...

My Blog

50's Air Force commercial

$5,000 a year! Holy shit! ...
Posted by Dan on Thu, 15 Mar 2007 03:31:00 PST

For all INTENTS and PURPOSES

I'm gonna backhand the next person who says the phrase "for all intensive purposes". Seriously.-D
Posted by Dan on Sun, 17 Dec 2006 10:21:00 PST

Monkeys

A woman was looking at the animals on display in a pet store. A man walked in and said to the shopkeeper Ill take a Ramp Monkey, please. The shopkeeper nodded and took a monkey out of a cage. He put a...
Posted by Dan on Fri, 05 May 2006 10:05:00 PST

Help Feed Air Force Pilots

This is mildly funny... Feel free to sponsor me (be my Special Friend). I need an HDTV real bad.. -Dan Help Feed Air Force Pilots Please pass this form to as many people as you know! We need to s...
Posted by Dan on Fri, 05 May 2006 09:33:00 PST

Valentine for Osama

Little Mary comes home from first grade and tells her father that she wants to give a valentine to Osama bin Laden. "Why Osama bin Laden?" her father asks in shock. "Well," she says, "I thought that i...
Posted by Dan on Sun, 26 Mar 2006 06:58:00 PST