Timothy M. Eubanks! profile picture

Timothy M. Eubanks!

Porkchop sandwiches!!!

About Me



My Interests


doctor who; bad horror films; KBD-style punk; delta blues; free jazz; elizabethan drama (particularly marlowe and webster); deflating spirituality of every possible variety; grand guignol; bathroom graffiti; the scent of trout in the early morning air; william shatner and his music career; world history; abraham lincoln; (mostly marvel) comics; shaking my head sadly at people who fail to believe in evolution (clearly, you're not properly evolved yet- come back when you're not picking nits from your partner's back fur); bruce campbell; gymkata; quantum physics; suits; playing dr. scott a dozen or so times a year; godawful and obscure hair metal (nitro, joker, KIX!!!, slave raider, alleycat scratch, etc.); writing garbage just to spite intellectuals; writing brilliantly just to spite everyone else; inappropriate air guitar solos; perfecting human beatboxing for the next generation; the history channel; eyes (particularly if they're floating and/or firing death rays); "mouth jazz" (not scat soloing- this requires individuals to actually make the jazz noises themselves...thus, the latest recondite hipster trend is midwifed into being); drawing very poorly; creating dynamic comic scenarios using action figures; writing the ultimate badfilm; musicals (especially foreign-language casts); mike watt and everything mike watt does; the flaming carrot; running a store that'll never turn a profit; writing/reading extremely trashy obscure novels; being the only sober GBV fanatic in the universe.

I'd like to meet:



Wanderers in the Fourth Dimension...
Anybody remotely interesting is mad, in some way or another:

Weird World

entropic

Stephanie

shawna

m-o-n-i-k-a



Brandi

the cigarette smoking man®

Juli

Cold Lake!

The Vivian Oblivion

Sky-lurr

jake

charlie

Kristin

Aliya

Spy-Dar Are Go!

Music:

jandek, captain beefheart; nick cave and the bad seeds; howlin' wolf; tom waits; the residents; kate bush; johnny cash; john coltrane; albert ayler; james blood ulmer; the minutemen; fugazi; the melvins; skip james; charley patton; guided by voices; blind blake; flipper; fantomas; empire; the screamers; xiu xiu; son house; the cure; joy division; death in june; kenneth higney; the fall; y. bhekhirst; arcesia; the kaplan brothers; ya ho wa 13; james brown; crime; goblin; suicide; ornette coleman; link wray; charlie feathers; tv on the radio; the stooges; the dicks; sun ra; diamanda galas; talk talk; tommy johnson; rites of spring; big black; the crazy world of arthur brown; nick drake; hampton grease band; x; claude debussy; pere ubu; the raincoats; swans; neurosis; sigh; motorhead; the sound; codeine; can; mastodon; wesley willis; nitro; sonic youth; peter grudzien; lovage; pharoah sanders; elvis costello; william shatner; el guapo; agalloch; sad legend; ice-t; crispy ambulance; the comsat angels; current 93; siouxsie and the banshees; prince; king diamond; this heat; brian eno; scott walker; robert ashley; motorhead; eric dolphy; fela kuti; mission of burma; (smog); palace brothers; bonnie prince billy; george jones; merle haggard; harry partch; hank williams, sr.; hank III; slayer; soulwhirlingsomewhere; public enemy; dr. octagon; frank zappa; any koto music; bollywood soundtracks; carcass; slow horse; aretha franklin; the monks; fraction; the holy modal rounders; john carpenter; rudimentary peni; the mob; nausea; oingo boingo; lightnin' hopkins; r.l burnside; t-model ford; beethoven; karlheinz stockhausen; black sabbath; wu-tang clan; ween; twenty-six; r. stevie moore; my bloody valentine; sleater-kinney; neu!; faust; gorecki; schubert; wagner; morphine; dinosaur jr.; mike watt; dos; brutal juice; pj harvey; beat happening; the weirdos; the cramps; alex chilton; the evens; rykarda parasol; the gun club; t. rex; cedell davis; daniel johnston; spoon; mississippi fred mcdowell; suckdog; drunken boat; scrawl; smoke; bela bartok; dylan (obviously); g.g. allin; comus; bongwater; doc corbin dart; the avengers; bob mould; husker du; the void; the wipers; the necros; funkadelic; tiny tim; eric b. and rakim; ultramagnetic mc's; tumor circus; skip spence; american music club; jawbox; slint; cheap trick (the first four albums and live at budokan only...none of that "the flame" crap for me, thanks- and the new album's worthy considering too); necrophobic; funkadelic; parliament; atheist; the shaggs; the ruts; the absentees; dot vaeth group; plastic people of the universe; the legendary pink dots; coil; ashe bhosle; eddie "one-string" jones; sleep; burning witch; thorr's hammer; blackmouth; sarcofago; blind lemon jefferson; morbid angel; doris duke; rev. charlie jackson; ennio morricone; bobby "blue" bland; marduk; burzum; carpathian forest; bestial mockery; ulver; throat singers the world over...and richard o'brien, who in retrospect is to blame for this whole "music" thing i'm into.

Movies:

the good, the bad, and the ugly; brazil; kill bill; dawn of the dead (romero); ninja films (especially tomas tang/godfrey ho "just add ninja" abominations); aguirre, the wrath of god; splatter farm; big trouble in little china; escape from new york; the rocky horror picture show; shock treatment; the lone wolf and cub series; blood freak; black devil doll from hell; crazy fat ethel II; death nurse; faster, pussycat! kill! kill!; eraserhead; master of the flying guillotine; rolling thunder; bubba ho-tep; the holy mountain; el topo; santa sangre; the 400 blows; the virgin spring; horror house on highway five; a night to dismember; the annihilating angel; multiple maniacs; taxi driver; vertigo; whatever happened to baby jane?; out of the past; detour; kiss me deadly; the adventures of buckaroo banzai across the 8th dimension; the warriors; black caesar; hell up in harlem; rock'n'roll nightmare; the zero effect; the beyond; quatermass and the pit; evil dead 2; brazil; arcadia of my youth; golgo 13: the professional; hard rock zombies; god told me to; attack of the beast creatures; throne of blood; macbeth (polanski); i drink your blood; the manster; destroy all monsters!; the human tornado; blue sunshine; the killer; brain from planet arous; darktown strutters; tetsuo: the iron man; sonny boy; the manipulator; bad taste; meet the feebles; ran; kagemusha; zatoichi: the blind swordsman; horror house on highway five; witch with flying head; mystics in bali; jandek on corwood; vertigo; repulsion; trust; bring me the head of alfredo garcia; dolemite; superfly; coffy; the works of maya deren; careful; the saddest music in the world; fitzcarraldo; gates of heaven; crumb; videodrome; fear and loathing in las vegas; out of the past; the seventh seal; f for fake; touch of evil; night and fog; shogun's samurai: the yagyu clan conspiracy; apocalypse now; american boy; last house on dead end street; can dialectics break bricks?; moonwalker; zombie! vs. mardi gras; ebola syndrome; terrorvision; night of the creeps; cohen and tate; galaxy express 999; adieu, galaxy express 999; careful; virgins from hell; the boxer's omen; shivers; the brood; 7 grandmasters; sole survivor; black devil doll from hell; tales from the quadead zone; death watch; elves; the bird with the crystal plumage; jubilee; bullet in the head; we are going to eat you!; in a glass cage; salo; 555; they live; big meat eater; double indemnity; detour; in a lonely place; tales from the quadead zone; commando; centipede horror; a calamity of snakes; the proposition; the devil and daniel johnston; frankenstein vs. the space monster

Television:

doctor who; blake's 7; sapphire and steel; red dwarf; the prisoner; mystery science theater 3000; mr. show; max headroom; the avengers; TBN (paul and jan are the creepy wax figures jim and tammy faye wished they had been)

Books:

VALIS; the divine invasion; UBIK; crime and punishment; the bell jar; maldoror; the gormenghast trilogy; the crying of lot 49; franny and zooey; breakfast of champions; slaughterhouse-five; the art of war; bones of the moon, jonathan strange and mr. norrell; the illuminatus! trilogy; guns, germs, and steel; nausea; deathbird stories; shatterday; strange wine; the drive-in; writer of the purple rage; the plague; the fall; cat's cradle; lord of light; babel-17; the trial; house of dolls; melmoth the wanderer; ulysses; finnegans wake; the professor and the madman; a cabinet of medical curiosities; the man in the high castle; the dream-quest of unknown kadath; the oresteia; the cantos; mondo macabro; incredibly strange films; more than human; watchmen; from hell; songs in the key of z: the curious world of outsider music; voice of our shadow; ariel; the sirens of titan; the cornelius chronicles; the gormenghast trilogy; notes from underground; naked lunch; moby dick; macbeth; doctor faustus; the white devil; invisible man; one day in the life of ivan denisovich; masks of the illuminati; lonely hearts of the cosmos; the people's history of the united states; the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy series; paradise lost; the works of william blake; the works of tristan tzara; the maniac; the long goodbye; the demon; scar lover; deliverance; edgar a. poe: mournful and ever-lasting remembrance; team of rivals: the political genius of abraham lincoln; various pulp fiction; and socially unacceptable

Heroes:

the doctor; william shatner; bill hicks; mark e. smith; don van vliet; miyamoto musashi; mr. t

My Blog

Voltar and Raptors Excellent Adventure!

Warning: may ruin your childhood.  [Voltar and Raptor- Somewhere between Memphis and Nashville on I-40] Raptor: Do you remember that time we were stuck in a freighter under Cobra Mountain? Volt...
Posted by Timothy M. Eubanks! on Wed, 10 Oct 2007 11:27:00 PST

Is heaven missing an angel...because you’ve got nice cans!

The first sensation was one of a mild but very manageable pain, like stepping on a tack. Then my leg began to buckle as my foot decided to corpse midstep. It would've been fascinating had I not neede...
Posted by Timothy M. Eubanks! on Tue, 02 Oct 2007 08:04:00 PST

The single greatest thing mankind has ever produced.

Now, I am guilty of frequent hyperbole. Everyone knows I tend to believe whatever I'm experiencing is the greatest thing ever (with the exception of Rob Zombie's Halloween, the works of Kerouac, ...
Posted by Timothy M. Eubanks! on Mon, 24 Sep 2007 03:09:00 PST

The Book of Nod.

Reading the signs in front of the local churches is a pasttime of mine. Often they're subpar puns...but, sometimes, they're brilliantly baffling. This morning in Piggott I saw: Having trouble sleeping...
Posted by Timothy M. Eubanks! on Sat, 22 Sep 2007 10:02:00 PST

Harry brandishes the crap out of his wand and leaps up on that troll...no problemo!

First off...I've always been puzzled by the Harry Potter phenomenon. Much like the subplot in Bad Boys 2 where Martin Lawrence gets a bullet in his behind and becomes impotent because of it, I've alwa...
Posted by Timothy M. Eubanks! on Mon, 17 Sep 2007 04:33:00 PST

When eBay lies!

(not to be confused with Where Monsters Dwell!) I just noticed this listing on eBay...and I was dumbstruck by the horrible inaccuracy of it. Never in the history of man has the SDF-1 be...
Posted by Timothy M. Eubanks! on Fri, 14 Sep 2007 05:03:00 PST

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Fact I Am Zodak.

Who is John Galt? Who cares? Let's chat about Zodak instead. John Galt made the world stop in a book so boring I swear the entire universe slowed for a few moments out of sheer tedium. Zodak is much ...
Posted by Timothy M. Eubanks! on Sat, 01 Sep 2007 10:04:00 PST

Restoring sexual vitality to the masses while armed only with a Mumm-Ra figure.

I just wanted to share this amazing bit of writing from the novelization of the Doctor Who story Time and the Rani:     'Here, drink this!' The Rani's patience strained at the...
Posted by Timothy M. Eubanks! on Thu, 30 Aug 2007 11:56:00 PST

Crazy Fat Ethel 2: A brief romantic interlude.

After months of analysis, I have determined that my next dating candidate (when/if she arrives) should be a reader and should like Doctor Who and bad horror movies. Really, when I distill the whole of...
Posted by Timothy M. Eubanks! on Thu, 30 Aug 2007 05:04:00 PST

Massacre: Mafia Style!

Hotel bathwater always smells exotic. It has a faint chemical scent like it's being pumped from the river running by Tromaville&and you imagine it drifting down into the water, spawning horrible huma...
Posted by Timothy M. Eubanks! on Sat, 25 Aug 2007 06:22:00 PST